Kau ni....b&^%h ke..?

 

Account department....

Sebut ja account dept, ko mesti kagum...why? because sejak ak keja AM ni, semua account exec ak jumpa, semua segak2, cantik2, pandai dan hebat...mantoppp yeee...tabik spring dekat diorg...

hod acc mesti garang, dia minta apa, ko mesti kasi laju sbb org tu garang sgt ko x berani main2 sama beliao..exec2 bawah dia semua pandai2....kalau ko lost, ko tnya diorg..cepat ja diorg bagi solution...padahal problem tu first time counter taw... so acc dept kt AM mmg mantop la....

tapi.....

sekarang ade sorg ni...anak acc gak....tp bodoh

aku pelik...sejak bila ada acc exec bodo...ak pening....soalan simple gila babi boleh tnya kt ak....ade cust punya acc email, minta inv ka apa ka....then this one acc exec interkom gua and asked "akak, ade nmpk x email sekian2.., ha tu nk buat mcm mna tu?"

wadefish? ko bagi la inv babi...ko tnya ak buat apa..

then ade satu issue pasal inv gak...this cust's acc (lets call her A) was informing that we need to upload sekian2 inv like sekian2 because their system is sekian2....then boleh si acc exec ni balik2 tnya ak, akak cuba kol A tu tnya nk ape... -_- wadefak..this A is acc exec, u r acc exec...shes asking about invoice..your job is to issue INV, so why u asking me to call this A? u call yourself la...pantat - watever the fish..

then another one..because malaysia da nk pakai sistem e-invoice, so our acc execs pun pegi la training..and then one day this acc exec boleh req from me, nk list customer yg aktif...aku da terbangang kt situ..list of active customer pun nk minta gua? ko boleh je cek rekod payment ko for the last 1 - 2 years, sape2 ade bayo itu le yg aktif kan... so xpe la because ak baik ak pun list down la dari dlm sql pegi buka mata satu2 filter everything...if there is one customer yg suda lama x order tp ak x sure is to consider aktif or not, i refer to dylan..and dylan said to just include, ak pun include je la cust to even da 3 4 tahun x order brg..

so after im done, i gave her the lists...and then one moment later she asked me, "kak cust ni pun aktif ke, da 3 tahun xde order pape dgn kita" 😑 babas betholl..ko suruh ak buat list..ak da buat list...kau pegi question list ak...len kali kau sendiri buat list bodo simple tu xpayah nk menyusahkan org...ko sendiri boleh cek cust tu aktif ke x...tp ko malas nk buat sbb malas...ko jgn nk soal2 plak..da dylan suh letak ak letak je la...

and then there were so many others la stupid2 items she kept asking me yg mcm eh ak penat la layan ko..awat bodo sgt tah....this acc yg bodo ni only 1 person so far i encounter...yg lain xde lg odo cam dia...haishhh pening

oh ye oh ye bru je teringat lg satu alkisah bodo dia..so one of our customer is changing system la, from system A to system B...and this customer is having training on sekian2 date...but unfortunately i cannot join the training because i have appointment with KK to open buku pink so i inform her dat i cannot attend the virtual training but never mind, the acct and the store can join because most important dept for invoicing is acc one...so dia pun said, ala but saya pun cuti gak 2hb tu...ala isk nape ea diorg sebok nk buat training, ala kena join ke.. boleh x diorg tukar training tu hari lain (masa dia ckp mcm ni ak dlm otak da pikir, ko da kenapa? ni training ko ke dia bapak aa nk suh cust tukar2 tarikh training..apa ko ingat ko sorg je ke join training tu) so blablabla bnyk lg la dia merungut x puas ati kenapa da training bagai...but then i said, every cust yg request kita pakai system diorg pun, diorg akan bg training dulu supaya kita tahu nk buat mcm mna...and then i also involved her HOD (hod baru xgarang lgsg) to take part in the training....so bila HOD dia agree tu attend the training bru la dia x bnyk songeh pun 😑

pastu so xpe la, commence la this cust with their new system B..and since i didnt attend the training i had 0 experience la using this system kan...but this system pun bukan 1 cust pakai, other cust pun ade pakai, different system but somehow quite similar je pun....ambil PO, buat ASN atau upload DO, then issue INV..basically the same dia punya concept, u just need to play around je all the button

and so...its mid of the month, kawan tengah gelabah nk issue inv bagai..disuruh nye la ak cepat2 upload SO dlm system B tu ....and then ak pelik la, why sud upload SO? da 2 3 system other cust yg kita pakai, not one pun ade minta kita upload SO because SO is an internal document..no other people have to see pun u punya SO...but this budak beriya iya suh ak upload SO supaya dia boleh proceed issue INV, ak tnya perlu ke upload? dia kata "mcm kena upload sbb sya ade baca manual dia tu suruh sekian sekian blablablah" then i said ok later i go see la how because now im busy tallying amount of PO with other inv...so she asked me to do this within this week..i said i try...then she gives love emoji as if encouraging me to gigih mengupload SO

and so after 2 days i go at the system B and see wat sud i do...and i click 1, and then i click 2 PO, and another...and these 3 PO xde pun suruh ak upload SO bodo tu pun...dia suruh ak confirm or reject je the PO 😑 tengok la tengok...bodo x bodo punya instruction...ko ckp ko baca manual dia...ak abis khatam manual dia pun xda jumpa lagi memana perkataan ade mention SO, upload SO apetah lagi...budak bodo ni boleh hentam kromo ckp kt ak upload SO cepat2...ape bodo punya budak...nk menipu x pandai...

kau sendiri x taw system B tu operate macam mana..sebok nk suh ak upload SO...ak confirm reject je pun PO tu...

iskkk sakit la kepala pikir pasal dia..ntah ape lg benda merepak dia nk campak kat aku pasni...

It is all makes sense now...

 i always wondered why the pregnant women always fall inside the "weak category" which means, they are susceptible to diseases, infection etc etc...even during covid era, those pregnant women + the children + the golden age veteran + the immunocompromised people were categorize together as group whose condition much worse if they caught covid and they were advised to take extra precaution.

i always think it was because of the baby inside...u know, mother needs to protect her foetus from catching the germ so the mother needs to take extra precaution..turns out i was wrong..its not because of the baby, but because during those pregnancy's journey, the mother's immunity dropped so low she would be like a baby herself if she got caught with disease 😩  how do i know this? yup, i experienced this myself 😭 im pregnant now btw 😁 its been 9 weeks 

so...during the end of may 2024, danish caught a flu and cough, luckily no fever...he was sick for 1 week before the cough subsided...and then i was infected by the same flu i think...i got really heavy thick mucus coming out of me, preventing my beauty sleep at night, and then 2 3 days later i was coughing mad...now danish recovered 1 week from this illness...me??? yeah..supposedly i can recover in 3 days usually, but this time...it took me nearly 3 weeks to fully recover 😣 the heck? it was a consistent heavy mucus + cough for 1 week, the second weeks was no more mucus, but rather dry cough which if i persist, my lungs could be totally cough out if i want to be better, followed by another 3rd week the remaining of the dry cough...at the end of the second week i meet a doctor because why why whyyyy do i suffer too long from simple flu and cough? then the doctor said, its normal, im pregnant, my immunity is low.... soooo...yeah thats how i found out pregnant women are weak af

its been 3 weeks we slept without air cond, because if we did, i'd be coughing like mad...with the wheezing and all..yeah, felt like im dying....

and then this week, i dunno wat i ate on sunday, i woke up at 3am on monday with very painful stomach...at 6am, i cirit so bad....yup..food poisoning,....now im sure i had food poisoning before, cuz the pain is similar..somehow, this time, i cannot tolerate the pain 😭😭😭 its too painful, my stomach felt like its going to explode...the cirit is not yet better, im still cirit till today, only not severe....the stomach pain kept on messing up with me every few minutes...my pain threshold is so low now even a mild food poisoning kept me awake at night 😪

i need to take care myself better this time....cus this no covid era, no one using mask anymore compared to when i was having danish, there were mask everywhere and movements were restricted...it is so different now...i hope no other illness befall me please...i weak af now 😢

This can do T_T

 

Well, ive got no budget yet to replace this baby. it will cost me around rm400 like that, damn expensive lil piece of lamp 😔 ive just replaced my battery car early of may the other day, it costed me like rm208. + additional my spaylater shopee rm280 for my oh-so-big wardrobe... life is hard if you are poor 😩 this time, this the best i can do for a time, selotape back all the pieces, and wrap them in a cheap sheet of plastic, i hope they can last long until im able to collect some money to replace them. i hope also there will be no problem to wash my car at the car wash. guess i have to tell the anne to not spray the jetwater directly at my baby...

whoever did this to my baby, BABI la kau!!!!

Iza yg bodo dipagi jumaat

 

ya....ni keta gua yg malang kerna tuannya bodo, over confident masuk parking tanpa mikir ada risiko longkang di depan 😭😭😭😭 ape ke bodo nye la weyyy adehh...jumaat pagi otak da siottt... padahal pagi tu rutin mcm biasa je kot, keluar rumah, drive ikut jalan yg sma, ketenangan jiwa yg sama..masuk parking dgn perasaan tenang yg sama...tukar gerak pegi P, tarik handbrake dgn perasaan yg normal...angkat kaki lepas dari brake, tiber kete ak jatuh menjunam...dua kali taw, satu belah kanan, pastu belah kiri menyusul 😂😂😂😂😂

macam bodo betul, ak keluar kete tengok kaki baby  blue da terbenam, ak gelak...adehh... ak sedih, tp ak tengok muka awin cuak semacam "kak iza kenapa, kuatnya bunyi dia tadi" ak xleh sedih woii...ak gelak...ape bodo punya buat ak pagi ni...setan betoiiii la

pastu kebetulan si julia dari seberang pun bru smpai, terus pegi kt blkg kete ak sambil tnya "kenapa kenapa" ah suda....mamarazi level 3 da sampai....kompem satu ofis tersebar kete ak masuk longkang arini  😂😂😂😂 iza bongok bengong....

call najwa tnya mcm mna dia settle keta dia aritu masuk longkang, dia kata "jap jap nk call mubarak" ah suda..pastu terus semua org yg ada depan ofis keluar...bapak malu siotttttt bodoooo...semua tengok ak dgn muka x percaya ...ape ke bangang pagi2 bawa keta mandi longkang 😭😭😭😭😭

kesudahan nya, yes mmg ak bodo...kete baby blue diselamatkan pakai forklift 😓 si dayat suggest pegi check alignment takut lari..dan arini kemana mana je ak pegi mesti org tnya "iza kenapa pagi tadi" 😷😷😷😷 i can only say, im stoopid today

I am kind, but don't make me insincere

I always knew I am kind with my friends. I always tried to help them whenever possible. I don't mind buying them foods, lending them money, taking them out for meals, give them gifts, etc etc...things that you don't mind doing for your friends. And I hate it if my kindness is being taken for granted.

For example during my primary school, there was this 1 person named R.A, she was poor, and she always borrowed my money, 20cents, 50cents, 20cents again. She borrowed, but never pay back. Then another day she would came to me again asking to borrow another cents. Firstly I didn't mind lending her money cuz I knew she was poor, but when she took advantage of that, cuz I never asked for my money back cuz I pitied her, she kept on coming back to me asking for money, everyday... I hate her, but I never told her that. I had to pretend I was sleeping during recess because I didn't want her to come begging for money. I just didn't know how to turn her down. I am that stoopid.

And then my story with N which I shared before, Im paying, Im the one doing anything, I can't help but felt I am being taken advantage of.

And now my work place, there is this one person, lets call her L, I feel like she is my friend, and she also consider me as close friend. She did once told me her bedroom story with which I was super shocked because usually normal casual friend don't really share bedroom stories like that, and maybe she saw I was taken aback by her story, she never bring her bed story anymore. 

Anyway, our relationship is ongoing pretty normal, we used to go out lunching together at random places, and at that time she was working on the ground level while I was at level 1. There were some small changes in a solar role, D and M took L to do administration, and her place would be beside me. So, starting from sitting beside me, L rarely going out to lunch anymore because she said she already had big breakfast and by lunch time, she is still full. I as always, will went out to alam jaya to buy take away lunch and eat at my desk while watching korean/english drama on my phone. But sometimes she still following me out if she wanted to buy lunch if she was hungry. 

One day, it was scorching hot, its been scorching hot that time, and I dont feel like going out because I had nasi lemak for breakfast, i feel like i just wanna relax in the office during recess. Out of nowhere, L asked me to buy her goreng pisang, and said she malas to go out. So what about me? its hot, im lazy too, u didnt asked me pun whether im going out or staying in? u just order me buy your pisang goreng    -_- wadefak? im so dumbfounded, i dunno how to counter this...dumbly, i go out buy myself food and her goreng pisang...this in not only once..many times ya she asked me buy her pisang goreng, even asked me to asked the vendor give kriuk kriuk..defakkkk now im not sincere at all....but im too kind to say "fak u, get your pisang yourself" i am stoopid...sooo stoopid so cowardd so bloody stoopid 😔

i feel like she purposely getting close to me for her benefit, if not why when she is downstair, she wanna go lunch like everyday, then when she sit beside me, no need go out lunching everyday cuz everyday oso meet me? my second assign doter, cynically asking me whether L still tumpang2 me balik onot, i said yes..she just smugged, she oso feel im being taken advantage of..my second doter is a sharp person..n i kno shes not wrong, i too feel like im taken for granted, i am beneficial to have around, and i never trouble people.

Now L meniaga at bazar ramadhan K.S, last year she meniaga at eco world je, i went there la support thing bagai, then i bought 2 tudung, but that tudung i havent wear until now...cuz its just basic tudung one, not raya one punya stail taw...i oso dunno where dat tudung went...so this year she meniaga at KS, KS is jauh u kno...i saw la she update wasap status, at ig and fb abaout her xtvt...and then yesterday is the second day she mentioned to me she started going there ady to meniaga, during which i sent her home...now why she wanna highlight dat at the end of the journey, is she expecting me to go jauh2 at KS which have nothing for me to show support? eh,, i dun want la...i dun want drive jauh2 tmpt ramai org, malas taw...no need to highlight anymore la,, i dun wanna go...😒 i hope one day i can be evil, say things i want without thinking it might hurt other people, not caring wat everyone think about me....saying no to things that i dun want..etc etc...i dun wanna be kind la plesss.

We have our own demon inside

 

Things are quiet boring at the office. No work to be done, no report to be rushed, no people to bother. The only thing I can do every morning coming to the office is sit down, start the pc, login into SQL, and paint my nails 😂 so bored.

There is rumor going around hot right now, but only several people know. About June and Shah, their scandalous affair. Both are known to have bf/gf, but they were seen together in private several times. And it is a gossip because, it involves something more than just typical scandal/secret dating. It might also involve khalwat scenario, maybe?

Usually I like hearing juicy gossip, like you know for example, gossip about Ms Hen where everyone hates her. Oh, when you hear people trash talking her, you feel joy and happy because you are a psychopath who loves to hear how teruk someone is, and that is because Ms Hen is not my friend. And then there is also gossip about Pidah and her enormous tetek which is the favorite of many foreigners, and her triage scandal involving Eamy and one foreigner. Oh, what a bliss hearing those gossip out. Then comes Shah, who is not my friend and I barely know Shah, however I consider June as friend, and hearing those gossip about them make me feel guilty. Should I feel joy? Thrilled? Happy cuz its juicy? Or should I just totally mind my own business? Should I tell June about the gossip? I don't know, I am blanked everytime I think about it. Part of me said, don't bother, this is none of your business, other part of me said, tell him this Puncak Alam area is hotspot orang tangkap khalwat, so June should be careful, and then tell that Shah is actually seeing someone while having affair with June.

Hurmmm... maybe I just mind my own bussiness. It's not my problem, I and June not really close btw...Let them have their demon, while I keep mine, hidden 😐

Was it panic attack? Was it delusion? Was it something else?

 It has been so long...

I was preparing a special dinner, grill chicken with poached veges and fries. I was just about to cut up the broccoli when suddenly the fire alarm went off. 

RINGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!

I waited for it to stop....

And waited...

And after what seemed like an eternal 1 minute, the ringing still didn't stop, and I looked down to my hands, my hands were shaking, shivering, trembling with fear. My heart was racing, it felt like it wanted to get out from my body. As fast as I can, I ran to the room and grabbed my black bag with my purse in it, took my cardigan, grabbed my keys, and pulled Danish's hand out of the door.

As I stepped out of the door, the fire alarm rang louder as it was directly just beside my door house. I smelled something burnt, and it was fogy with smoke. My heart was pounding. I quickly put on Danish's shoes and dragged his ass out of the grill, heading towards the emergency staircase. I was thinking whether to take the middle stair which was just over there beside my house, or should I went to the end of the corridor stairwell. I was so scared that either one of the emergency exist was blocked by fire. After 30seconds, I dragged Danish to the middle one. He was so slow, playing games at his phone, so I carried him downstairs asap from Level 9 to Level ground. He was cheering me on, "Mama mama 4, mama 1 lagi 1 lagi" 😒 "mama nape dia x stop?" 

After what seems like forever, we reached down and we went to the gazebo just beside the high-rise because it was raining lightly, I didn't want Danish to be wet by the rain. The alarm was still ringing, but it felt like a heavy burden was just lifted off from my shoulder. I said to myself, "now we are safe". My heart slowly returned to the normal pacing rate, my hands stop trembling, and my mind was getting clearer. 

The alarm stopped after about 15 - 20 minutes, with no visible fire. I waited another 15 minutes before I could go home in peace.

......................................................................................................................................................................

This incident got me wondering, what was the burnt smell and fogy smoke I experienced back then? Was my mind playing trick? Was I delusional? What was it? It was not the first time my mind tricked me.

Back when there was an earthquake news hitting Indonesia somewhere and the vibration could reach Malaysia, I immediately felt like my vision was tilting left and right, the ground was spinning, and I was losing balance. 😐 Day that, every time I came across the word earthquake, I felt like the ground shook a little bit. That day my day was filled with insecurity of the company's roof crashing on top of my head.

Seems like my senses are heightened during those panic moments. It causes my eyes seeing things that aren't real, smelling things that do not exist. Making me overthinking of all the worst possible scenarios. How do I differentiate between what is real and what is not in time of panic? I hate feeling like this, like I cannot control myself. 😞

Thinking back, maybe flying is not that scary, but because my sense was being a fucking hyperbolic, every turbulence felt scary and the plane will crash.