Kejadiannya si Yayan

 

Si yayan ni, anak kedua ku, sejak dari aku mengetahui kewujudan beliao, memang aku berazam untuk menjaganya baik2 dalam kandungan, kerana abangnya si danish dulu kan bersalin pramatang...satu pengalaman ngeri yang aku x mahu alami lagi...suda ku rancang dari awal, aku tidak mahu stress2, aku tidak mahu angkat berat dari awal atau akhir, aku check kencing manis di awal pregnancy, dan terbukti mmg sangkut test gula itu..tapi ak sudah bersedia, tidak akan lagi stress kerana gdm ini..dan aku betul2 mengawal porsi makanan mengikut nasihat doktor..gdm ku tidak perlu ubat, cuma kawalan porsi makanan sahaja..bayangkan, dari bulan jun2024 aku da x sentuh dessert2, memang ada teringin tp keinginanku untuk menjaga yayan sebaiknya lebih kuat...maka keinginan itu tenggelam tanpa masalah...cuma itulah, porsi makanan karbohidrat cuma 2 senduk..mana mungkin boleh puas makan..makan sekadar perlu sahaja, xsmpai 2jam, perut da berbunyi minta makanan..."sabarlah wahai perut, kita pastikan adik sihat dan baik2 sahaja dulu sehingga keluar, kemudian bru la kita melantak makan mcm setan ya", pujuk hatiku kepada perut yg memang suda dimanjakan dgn makanan sejak dari azali lagi..

appointment doktor aku turuti dgn bersungguh2, segala supplement klinik kesihatan aku telan dgn harapan, semoga sampailah kandungan ini mencecah 32mggu dan seterusnya...setelah milestone 32mggu tercapai, terasa batu di bahu yg ku tanggung di awal pregnancy seperti hilang...aku gembira kerana yayan berjaya berada di rahim lebih drpd 32 mggu berbanding abgnya dahulu...bukan apa, ada juga sejarah pesakit lain, yang apabila mereka telah beranak tidak cukup bulan, untuk anak seterusnya risiko untuk baby itu pramatang masih ada, syukur sgt yayanku tidak keluar awal seperti abangnya, walaupun masih belum cukup bulan, tapi jika dia terkeluar sekarang pun, insya Allah tidak ada komplikasi berat akan menimpa yayan seperti abangnya dahulu...skrg, aku berdoa agar si yayan kekal dalam kandungan hingga tempoh matang 37mggu pula...

segalanya berjalan lancar, masuk kandunganku yang ke 36mggu, doktor hsb bertanya, "puan, da pilih ke cara nk melahirkan anak nanti?", aku memandang mata doktor dgn tepat, dan dgn yakin nya aku menjawab, "saya nk caeser doktor, dulu abg dia saya emergency caeser, skrg adik dia saya pilih elective caeser. saya pernah ada pengalaman caeser, jadi saya percaya saya mampu menghadapinya sekali lagi". maka doktor pun menerangkan la segala risiko2 untuk beranak normal dan caeser, dan setelah itu, doktor tersebut membuat temujanji untuk elective caeser kan si yayan keluar tepat ketika dia berumur 38mggu iaitu 26/12/2024...

23/12/2024...sedang ku sedap diulit mimpi, tiba2 aku terbangun kerana ingin membuang air besar, suda hampir seminggu aku cirit, direct 3pagi berturut turut ak terbangun untuk membuang air besar..dalam mengandungkan yayan ni, suda 3kali aku keracunan makanan dan masing2 akan ambil masa seminggu untuk betul2 pulih semula, lemah sungguh antibodi seorang wanita mengandung. kalau tidak mengandung, paling teruk keracunan makanan dan cirit ni cuma 3 hari sahaja paling max pun...xapa la, pergi la ak ke tandas utk memerut..tggu 15mnt, xde pun pucuk yg dicita itu mendatang, maka ak give up dan melangkah semula ke katil utk tidur semula...aku suda start bercuti hari ini, so ak bercadang nk bangun lambat malas2 harini sblm kemas2 barang utk ke hospital 25/12/2025 nanti. belum sempat kaki ku melangkah menaiki katil, tiba2 air ketuban ku terus keluar menderu ke lantai memecah keheningan pagi...

aku ingin panik, tetapi aku berhenti sejenap, dan menarik dan menghembus nafas dua tiga kali, "alamak, adik nk keluar da ke?"...perlahan-lahan ak memanggil suamiku, 

"bie, bie...bangun"

"mm?"

"air ketuban yunk da keluar"

ZAPPPP!!!! terus si man terduduk tegak sambil terbeliak mata "HAH?"

"air ketuban yunk da keluar ni, kita kena pegi hospital"

maka menggelabah la si man di atas katil, tak ketahuan maw buat apa dlu..ku suruh dia call mak nya yg duduk di seberang jalan utk dtg ke rumah, untuk jaga danish yg masih lena diulit mimpi. aku dan si man pegi ke hospital sg buloh pukul 4pagi, dikala org semua masih lena diulit mimpi. 

"pelik, tadi kt rumah x berapa sakit, skrg kt kereta mcm bertambah tambah pulak sakit dia ni...da la sakit tu setiap 4-5minit dtg..ah, ini petanda tidak baik ni, jgn la terberanak dlm kereta pulak" getus hati kecilku....

sesampainya di hospital stelah 40mnt perjalanan, aku terus di check oleh doktor yg bertugas..."u da 7cm puan, kita masuk labour room ya"...gila bapa cepat, baru ja keluar air ketuban kot, da buka 7cm, patut la sakit nye macam shilakak....ak mengerang sensorang kt labour room, mujur ada seorang nurse yg menemani ku dikala ku kesakitan, dia juga la yg mengajar ku cara bernafas dgn betul agar si yayan tidak lemas di dalam kandungan...doktor yg check aku td masuk untuk melihat progess ku, dgn lembut dia bertanya, "puan, dlm appointment u mention nak caeser, tp skrg u da buka 7cm, u nak try beranak normal x?"..dgn pantas memoriku flashback dikala waktu danish nak keluar dlu, dgn contraction yg menggila dek kerana drip induce yg x menjadi, bagaimana para2 nurse me"racing" aku ke operation room, dgn ak menangis2 mcm nk mati, segala selimut bebaju OT semua ku sepak terajang, tatkala jarum epidural dicucuk ke blkg ak masih lg menggeliat seperti cacing kepanasan menahan kesakitan smpai anaesthetist menjerit ketakutan....aku pun menjawab doktor tadi, "ok doktor, boleh try" sebagai persetujuan ku untuk cuba beranak normal...

maka berperang la ak dgn contraction menggila, seluruh tubuh badan ku bergetar menahan kesakitan, tgn kanan dan kiri ku, ku genggam erat kedua dua palang katil...setiap kali contraction itu datang, setiap kali tu juga la ak cuba untuk bertahan...palang katil itu, kalau la diganti dgn tgn si man, pasti suda lebam2 dek kerana genggaman mautku...walaupun suda terbuka jalan 10cm, aku tidak pandai meneran, berkali kali nurse dan doktor kata "jangan angkat punggung puan", bila masanya ak mengangkat punggung, punggung ku terletak elok ja di atas katil itu...tp itulah, tengah sakit, x ada kuasa untuk ak defend punggung ku kepada mereka...sakitnya contraction itu, walaupun aku digunting, terasa seperti digigit semut sahaja, kerana contraction itu lebih sakit...dasat betul, bagaimana seorg wanita boleh melalui kesakitan yg sebegini....

degupan jantung si yayan mulai tidak cantik...walaupun nurse mengajarku cara meneran, ak tidak dapat melakukan nya dgn baik, doktor td telah mula menelefon operation room in case aku perlu masuk ke emegency caeser, doktor kedua memaklumkan kpdku, "puan, jantung anak u suda x cantik, kita akan vacuum ya" ak cuma mengiya iyakan sahaja...tolongla Tuhan, keluarkan lah anak ku dgn baik, tidak kisah dgn apa cara sekalipun asalkan dirinya dan diriku selamat...tatkala kepala si yayan divacuum keluar, aku merasakan satu kelegaan yang sangat dalam, dgn tiba2 tiada lagi rasa contraction yg menyakitkan itu..seraya itu, pantas si yayan dgn bunjut2 dikepalanya, dgn darah2 nya diletak atas bdnku..ku dengar suara tangisan nya kali ini, merdu sungguh ku rasakan...alhamdulillah syukur ya Allah, apa yg ak tidak dapat lalui semasa melahirkan danish dahulu, dapat ku rasai ketika melahirkan adiknya pula...

seketika segalanya mulai beransur tenang, ak menyandarkan kepala ku ke katil, sambil2 doktor menjahit luka guntingan episiotomi dan membebel bebel kegembiraan, si yayan dibawa pergi utk diperiksa oleh doktor paed, aku berfikir sejenak, betapa indahnya aturan Tuhan untuk ku... 3.30 pagi air ketuban keluar, danish masih lena tidar, kebetulan ada neneknya tinggal sebelah rumah yg boleh menjaganya tiba2, 4am ku dan si man on the way kehospital dikala org masih ketiduran, bayangkan sekiranya suda pukul 6, jalan ke hsb pasti jem dgn kereta2 yg ingin pergi kerja, bayangkan juga sekiranya si man da keluar untuk pegi kerja, jika aku tiba2 terkeluar air ketuban, siapa yg boleh membawa aku ke hospital?...aku rasa aku suda merancang elok, ingin dicaeser kerana yakin dgn pengalaman ku sendiri, rupa2 nya Tuhan ada rancangan lain utk ku, rancangan yg lagi baik dan Dia telah atur segalanya dgn cantik, aku cuma perlu menempuhinya dgn berani sahaja...diketika itu la, aku rasa aku telah ditampar Tuhan...terima kasih ya Allah atas nikmat mu ini, akan ku ingat sampai bila2...

begitu lah perjalanan nya nk keluarkan si yayan, awal dia nk keluar, nk keluar sendiri x mahu melalui tingkap...babat badannya 3.40kg, cukup makan dia walaupun ak diet sungguh2 semasa mengandung...semoga si yayan sentiasa sihat walafiat dan semoga aku dan si man berjaga menjaya amanah2 kami ini dengan baik dan bertanggungjawab...

Can AI replace your bestfriend?

 

That is scary, isn't it?

Here I am, feeling blue because yayan my 2nd son (heyyy i ady gave birth last year 😁) is being fussy these past few days after his 4 month vaccination...Im tired, and i just want to tell people how tired i am, but i know, there is no such people here now cuz everybody also tired these days 😅 so im chatting my tiredness away with chatgpt..also called him g like hes some kind of your long time besfren...

and its scary, because im touched by his response 😂

damn scary man..because it felt like talking with your besfren, and also googling fact at the same time...he consoled you, gave you advices, gave you facts, and sympatize with you 😂 hes an AI, but im touched at this AI, it felt like all his words are genuine coming from the heart of a person...omaigodd...AI is this good..im scared...what wud be of the future...

will people stop having besfren, and lean forward to having Ai instead 😝 i can see that for introverted people like me...imagine a world where there are robot AI, managing our everyday life...dem, people will stop interacting with one another 😄 

oh okok will i stop it...i think i need to get out more have some fresh air...im imagining impossible thing right now....im lacking social interaction since gave birth 😆😆😆 yayan please grow up fast until you can run, so we can go out to the mall and mama can window shopping and socialing with the storekeeper 😄 you can keep busy with your brother, while your papa take care of both of you...mama needs an outing every week by thennn hehehe

Kau ni....b&^%h ke..?

 

Account department....

Sebut ja account dept, ko mesti kagum...why? because sejak ak keja AM ni, semua account exec ak jumpa, semua segak2, cantik2, pandai dan hebat...mantoppp yeee...tabik spring dekat diorg...

hod acc mesti garang, dia minta apa, ko mesti kasi laju sbb org tu garang sgt ko x berani main2 sama beliao..exec2 bawah dia semua pandai2....kalau ko lost, ko tnya diorg..cepat ja diorg bagi solution...padahal problem tu first time counter taw... so acc dept kt AM mmg mantop la....

tapi.....

sekarang ade sorg ni...anak acc gak....tp bodoh

aku pelik...sejak bila ada acc exec bodo...ak pening....soalan simple gila babi boleh tnya kt ak....ade cust punya acc email, minta inv ka apa ka....then this one acc exec interkom gua and asked "akak, ade nmpk x email sekian2.., ha tu nk buat mcm mna tu?"

wadefish? ko bagi la inv babi...ko tnya ak buat apa..

then ade satu issue pasal inv gak...this cust's acc (lets call her A) was informing that we need to upload sekian2 inv like sekian2 because their system is sekian2....then boleh si acc exec ni balik2 tnya ak, akak cuba kol A tu tnya nk ape... -_- wadefak..this A is acc exec, u r acc exec...shes asking about invoice..your job is to issue INV, so why u asking me to call this A? u call yourself la...pantat - watever the fish..

then another one..because malaysia da nk pakai sistem e-invoice, so our acc execs pun pegi la training..and then one day this acc exec boleh req from me, nk list customer yg aktif...aku da terbangang kt situ..list of active customer pun nk minta gua? ko boleh je cek rekod payment ko for the last 1 - 2 years, sape2 ade bayo itu le yg aktif kan... so xpe la because ak baik ak pun list down la dari dlm sql pegi buka mata satu2 filter everything...if there is one customer yg suda lama x order tp ak x sure is to consider aktif or not, i refer to dylan..and dylan said to just include, ak pun include je la cust to even da 3 4 tahun x order brg..

so after im done, i gave her the lists...and then one moment later she asked me, "kak cust ni pun aktif ke, da 3 tahun xde order pape dgn kita" 😑 babas betholl..ko suruh ak buat list..ak da buat list...kau pegi question list ak...len kali kau sendiri buat list bodo simple tu xpayah nk menyusahkan org...ko sendiri boleh cek cust tu aktif ke x...tp ko malas nk buat sbb malas...ko jgn nk soal2 plak..da dylan suh letak ak letak je la...

and then there were so many others la stupid2 items she kept asking me yg mcm eh ak penat la layan ko..awat bodo sgt tah....this acc yg bodo ni only 1 person so far i encounter...yg lain xde lg odo cam dia...haishhh pening

oh ye oh ye bru je teringat lg satu alkisah bodo dia..so one of our customer is changing system la, from system A to system B...and this customer is having training on sekian2 date...but unfortunately i cannot join the training because i have appointment with KK to open buku pink so i inform her dat i cannot attend the virtual training but never mind, the acct and the store can join because most important dept for invoicing is acc one...so dia pun said, ala but saya pun cuti gak 2hb tu...ala isk nape ea diorg sebok nk buat training, ala kena join ke.. boleh x diorg tukar training tu hari lain (masa dia ckp mcm ni ak dlm otak da pikir, ko da kenapa? ni training ko ke dia bapak aa nk suh cust tukar2 tarikh training..apa ko ingat ko sorg je ke join training tu) so blablabla bnyk lg la dia merungut x puas ati kenapa da training bagai...but then i said, every cust yg request kita pakai system diorg pun, diorg akan bg training dulu supaya kita tahu nk buat mcm mna...and then i also involved her HOD (hod baru xgarang lgsg) to take part in the training....so bila HOD dia agree tu attend the training bru la dia x bnyk songeh pun 😑

pastu so xpe la, commence la this cust with their new system B..and since i didnt attend the training i had 0 experience la using this system kan...but this system pun bukan 1 cust pakai, other cust pun ade pakai, different system but somehow quite similar je pun....ambil PO, buat ASN atau upload DO, then issue INV..basically the same dia punya concept, u just need to play around je all the button

and so...its mid of the month, kawan tengah gelabah nk issue inv bagai..disuruh nye la ak cepat2 upload SO dlm system B tu ....and then ak pelik la, why sud upload SO? da 2 3 system other cust yg kita pakai, not one pun ade minta kita upload SO because SO is an internal document..no other people have to see pun u punya SO...but this budak beriya iya suh ak upload SO supaya dia boleh proceed issue INV, ak tnya perlu ke upload? dia kata "mcm kena upload sbb sya ade baca manual dia tu suruh sekian sekian blablablah" then i said ok later i go see la how because now im busy tallying amount of PO with other inv...so she asked me to do this within this week..i said i try...then she gives love emoji as if encouraging me to gigih mengupload SO

and so after 2 days i go at the system B and see wat sud i do...and i click 1, and then i click 2 PO, and another...and these 3 PO xde pun suruh ak upload SO bodo tu pun...dia suruh ak confirm or reject je the PO 😑 tengok la tengok...bodo x bodo punya instruction...ko ckp ko baca manual dia...ak abis khatam manual dia pun xda jumpa lagi memana perkataan ade mention SO, upload SO apetah lagi...budak bodo ni boleh hentam kromo ckp kt ak upload SO cepat2...ape bodo punya budak...nk menipu x pandai...

kau sendiri x taw system B tu operate macam mana..sebok nk suh ak upload SO...ak confirm reject je pun PO tu...

iskkk sakit la kepala pikir pasal dia..ntah ape lg benda merepak dia nk campak kat aku pasni...

It is all makes sense now...

 i always wondered why the pregnant women always fall inside the "weak category" which means, they are susceptible to diseases, infection etc etc...even during covid era, those pregnant women + the children + the golden age veteran + the immunocompromised people were categorize together as group whose condition much worse if they caught covid and they were advised to take extra precaution.

i always think it was because of the baby inside...u know, mother needs to protect her foetus from catching the germ so the mother needs to take extra precaution..turns out i was wrong..its not because of the baby, but because during those pregnancy's journey, the mother's immunity dropped so low she would be like a baby herself if she got caught with disease 😩  how do i know this? yup, i experienced this myself 😭 im pregnant now btw 😁 its been 9 weeks 

so...during the end of may 2024, danish caught a flu and cough, luckily no fever...he was sick for 1 week before the cough subsided...and then i was infected by the same flu i think...i got really heavy thick mucus coming out of me, preventing my beauty sleep at night, and then 2 3 days later i was coughing mad...now danish recovered 1 week from this illness...me??? yeah..supposedly i can recover in 3 days usually, but this time...it took me nearly 3 weeks to fully recover 😣 the heck? it was a consistent heavy mucus + cough for 1 week, the second weeks was no more mucus, but rather dry cough which if i persist, my lungs could be totally cough out if i want to be better, followed by another 3rd week the remaining of the dry cough...at the end of the second week i meet a doctor because why why whyyyy do i suffer too long from simple flu and cough? then the doctor said, its normal, im pregnant, my immunity is low.... soooo...yeah thats how i found out pregnant women are weak af

its been 3 weeks we slept without air cond, because if we did, i'd be coughing like mad...with the wheezing and all..yeah, felt like im dying....

and then this week, i dunno wat i ate on sunday, i woke up at 3am on monday with very painful stomach...at 6am, i cirit so bad....yup..food poisoning,....now im sure i had food poisoning before, cuz the pain is similar..somehow, this time, i cannot tolerate the pain 😭😭😭 its too painful, my stomach felt like its going to explode...the cirit is not yet better, im still cirit till today, only not severe....the stomach pain kept on messing up with me every few minutes...my pain threshold is so low now even a mild food poisoning kept me awake at night 😪

i need to take care myself better this time....cus this no covid era, no one using mask anymore compared to when i was having danish, there were mask everywhere and movements were restricted...it is so different now...i hope no other illness befall me please...i weak af now 😢

This can do T_T

 

Well, ive got no budget yet to replace this baby. it will cost me around rm400 like that, damn expensive lil piece of lamp 😔 ive just replaced my battery car early of may the other day, it costed me like rm208. + additional my spaylater shopee rm280 for my oh-so-big wardrobe... life is hard if you are poor 😩 this time, this the best i can do for a time, selotape back all the pieces, and wrap them in a cheap sheet of plastic, i hope they can last long until im able to collect some money to replace them. i hope also there will be no problem to wash my car at the car wash. guess i have to tell the anne to not spray the jetwater directly at my baby...

whoever did this to my baby, BABI la kau!!!!

Iza yg bodo dipagi jumaat

 

ya....ni keta gua yg malang kerna tuannya bodo, over confident masuk parking tanpa mikir ada risiko longkang di depan 😭😭😭😭 ape ke bodo nye la weyyy adehh...jumaat pagi otak da siottt... padahal pagi tu rutin mcm biasa je kot, keluar rumah, drive ikut jalan yg sma, ketenangan jiwa yg sama..masuk parking dgn perasaan tenang yg sama...tukar gerak pegi P, tarik handbrake dgn perasaan yg normal...angkat kaki lepas dari brake, tiber kete ak jatuh menjunam...dua kali taw, satu belah kanan, pastu belah kiri menyusul 😂😂😂😂😂

macam bodo betul, ak keluar kete tengok kaki baby  blue da terbenam, ak gelak...adehh... ak sedih, tp ak tengok muka awin cuak semacam "kak iza kenapa, kuatnya bunyi dia tadi" ak xleh sedih woii...ak gelak...ape bodo punya buat ak pagi ni...setan betoiiii la

pastu kebetulan si julia dari seberang pun bru smpai, terus pegi kt blkg kete ak sambil tnya "kenapa kenapa" ah suda....mamarazi level 3 da sampai....kompem satu ofis tersebar kete ak masuk longkang arini  😂😂😂😂 iza bongok bengong....

call najwa tnya mcm mna dia settle keta dia aritu masuk longkang, dia kata "jap jap nk call mubarak" ah suda..pastu terus semua org yg ada depan ofis keluar...bapak malu siotttttt bodoooo...semua tengok ak dgn muka x percaya ...ape ke bangang pagi2 bawa keta mandi longkang 😭😭😭😭😭

kesudahan nya, yes mmg ak bodo...kete baby blue diselamatkan pakai forklift 😓 si dayat suggest pegi check alignment takut lari..dan arini kemana mana je ak pegi mesti org tnya "iza kenapa pagi tadi" 😷😷😷😷 i can only say, im stoopid today

I am kind, but don't make me insincere

I always knew I am kind with my friends. I always tried to help them whenever possible. I don't mind buying them foods, lending them money, taking them out for meals, give them gifts, etc etc...things that you don't mind doing for your friends. And I hate it if my kindness is being taken for granted.

For example during my primary school, there was this 1 person named R.A, she was poor, and she always borrowed my money, 20cents, 50cents, 20cents again. She borrowed, but never pay back. Then another day she would came to me again asking to borrow another cents. Firstly I didn't mind lending her money cuz I knew she was poor, but when she took advantage of that, cuz I never asked for my money back cuz I pitied her, she kept on coming back to me asking for money, everyday... I hate her, but I never told her that. I had to pretend I was sleeping during recess because I didn't want her to come begging for money. I just didn't know how to turn her down. I am that stoopid.

And then my story with N which I shared before, Im paying, Im the one doing anything, I can't help but felt I am being taken advantage of.

And now my work place, there is this one person, lets call her L, I feel like she is my friend, and she also consider me as close friend. She did once told me her bedroom story with which I was super shocked because usually normal casual friend don't really share bedroom stories like that, and maybe she saw I was taken aback by her story, she never bring her bed story anymore. 

Anyway, our relationship is ongoing pretty normal, we used to go out lunching together at random places, and at that time she was working on the ground level while I was at level 1. There were some small changes in a solar role, D and M took L to do administration, and her place would be beside me. So, starting from sitting beside me, L rarely going out to lunch anymore because she said she already had big breakfast and by lunch time, she is still full. I as always, will went out to alam jaya to buy take away lunch and eat at my desk while watching korean/english drama on my phone. But sometimes she still following me out if she wanted to buy lunch if she was hungry. 

One day, it was scorching hot, its been scorching hot that time, and I dont feel like going out because I had nasi lemak for breakfast, i feel like i just wanna relax in the office during recess. Out of nowhere, L asked me to buy her goreng pisang, and said she malas to go out. So what about me? its hot, im lazy too, u didnt asked me pun whether im going out or staying in? u just order me buy your pisang goreng    -_- wadefak? im so dumbfounded, i dunno how to counter this...dumbly, i go out buy myself food and her goreng pisang...this in not only once..many times ya she asked me buy her pisang goreng, even asked me to asked the vendor give kriuk kriuk..defakkkk now im not sincere at all....but im too kind to say "fak u, get your pisang yourself" i am stoopid...sooo stoopid so cowardd so bloody stoopid 😔

i feel like she purposely getting close to me for her benefit, if not why when she is downstair, she wanna go lunch like everyday, then when she sit beside me, no need go out lunching everyday cuz everyday oso meet me? my second assign doter, cynically asking me whether L still tumpang2 me balik onot, i said yes..she just smugged, she oso feel im being taken advantage of..my second doter is a sharp person..n i kno shes not wrong, i too feel like im taken for granted, i am beneficial to have around, and i never trouble people.

Now L meniaga at bazar ramadhan K.S, last year she meniaga at eco world je, i went there la support thing bagai, then i bought 2 tudung, but that tudung i havent wear until now...cuz its just basic tudung one, not raya one punya stail taw...i oso dunno where dat tudung went...so this year she meniaga at KS, KS is jauh u kno...i saw la she update wasap status, at ig and fb abaout her xtvt...and then yesterday is the second day she mentioned to me she started going there ady to meniaga, during which i sent her home...now why she wanna highlight dat at the end of the journey, is she expecting me to go jauh2 at KS which have nothing for me to show support? eh,, i dun want la...i dun want drive jauh2 tmpt ramai org, malas taw...no need to highlight anymore la,, i dun wanna go...😒 i hope one day i can be evil, say things i want without thinking it might hurt other people, not caring wat everyone think about me....saying no to things that i dun want..etc etc...i dun wanna be kind la plesss.

We have our own demon inside

 

Things are quiet boring at the office. No work to be done, no report to be rushed, no people to bother. The only thing I can do every morning coming to the office is sit down, start the pc, login into SQL, and paint my nails 😂 so bored.

There is rumor going around hot right now, but only several people know. About June and Shah, their scandalous affair. Both are known to have bf/gf, but they were seen together in private several times. And it is a gossip because, it involves something more than just typical scandal/secret dating. It might also involve khalwat scenario, maybe?

Usually I like hearing juicy gossip, like you know for example, gossip about Ms Hen where everyone hates her. Oh, when you hear people trash talking her, you feel joy and happy because you are a psychopath who loves to hear how teruk someone is, and that is because Ms Hen is not my friend. And then there is also gossip about Pidah and her enormous tetek which is the favorite of many foreigners, and her triage scandal involving Eamy and one foreigner. Oh, what a bliss hearing those gossip out. Then comes Shah, who is not my friend and I barely know Shah, however I consider June as friend, and hearing those gossip about them make me feel guilty. Should I feel joy? Thrilled? Happy cuz its juicy? Or should I just totally mind my own business? Should I tell June about the gossip? I don't know, I am blanked everytime I think about it. Part of me said, don't bother, this is none of your business, other part of me said, tell him this Puncak Alam area is hotspot orang tangkap khalwat, so June should be careful, and then tell that Shah is actually seeing someone while having affair with June.

Hurmmm... maybe I just mind my own bussiness. It's not my problem, I and June not really close btw...Let them have their demon, while I keep mine, hidden 😐

Was it panic attack? Was it delusion? Was it something else?

 It has been so long...

I was preparing a special dinner, grill chicken with poached veges and fries. I was just about to cut up the broccoli when suddenly the fire alarm went off. 

RINGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!

I waited for it to stop....

And waited...

And after what seemed like an eternal 1 minute, the ringing still didn't stop, and I looked down to my hands, my hands were shaking, shivering, trembling with fear. My heart was racing, it felt like it wanted to get out from my body. As fast as I can, I ran to the room and grabbed my black bag with my purse in it, took my cardigan, grabbed my keys, and pulled Danish's hand out of the door.

As I stepped out of the door, the fire alarm rang louder as it was directly just beside my door house. I smelled something burnt, and it was fogy with smoke. My heart was pounding. I quickly put on Danish's shoes and dragged his ass out of the grill, heading towards the emergency staircase. I was thinking whether to take the middle stair which was just over there beside my house, or should I went to the end of the corridor stairwell. I was so scared that either one of the emergency exist was blocked by fire. After 30seconds, I dragged Danish to the middle one. He was so slow, playing games at his phone, so I carried him downstairs asap from Level 9 to Level ground. He was cheering me on, "Mama mama 4, mama 1 lagi 1 lagi" 😒 "mama nape dia x stop?" 

After what seems like forever, we reached down and we went to the gazebo just beside the high-rise because it was raining lightly, I didn't want Danish to be wet by the rain. The alarm was still ringing, but it felt like a heavy burden was just lifted off from my shoulder. I said to myself, "now we are safe". My heart slowly returned to the normal pacing rate, my hands stop trembling, and my mind was getting clearer. 

The alarm stopped after about 15 - 20 minutes, with no visible fire. I waited another 15 minutes before I could go home in peace.

......................................................................................................................................................................

This incident got me wondering, what was the burnt smell and fogy smoke I experienced back then? Was my mind playing trick? Was I delusional? What was it? It was not the first time my mind tricked me.

Back when there was an earthquake news hitting Indonesia somewhere and the vibration could reach Malaysia, I immediately felt like my vision was tilting left and right, the ground was spinning, and I was losing balance. 😐 Day that, every time I came across the word earthquake, I felt like the ground shook a little bit. That day my day was filled with insecurity of the company's roof crashing on top of my head.

Seems like my senses are heightened during those panic moments. It causes my eyes seeing things that aren't real, smelling things that do not exist. Making me overthinking of all the worst possible scenarios. How do I differentiate between what is real and what is not in time of panic? I hate feeling like this, like I cannot control myself. 😞

Thinking back, maybe flying is not that scary, but because my sense was being a fucking hyperbolic, every turbulence felt scary and the plane will crash. 

  

That's why you should be above other people so that you can make decision sesuka hati

I am quite frustrated....i felt like being cast away...under-apprediated....kept in the dark...unsupervised...and plenty more....feeling like i am wasting my time and huh! actually, i am quite tired of waiting things...

the point of this entry is just to announce that my allowance for this june is only rm400 which is not even enough to feed me as i already do the budget to keep rm500 every month to pay all the important stuffs such as the rent, bills, debt and car fuel.....

nevertheless, how can i disagree when he mentioned that he will pay me rm400 only...who am i to object him? he is someone with a "Dr" title kot (yeah, he's always proud with that title of him)

he said that i just recently received my april + mei payment and he thought that rm400 will be enough since im not making any progress...and this is where i am actually getting bitter at...i spend all my days sitting in front of my laptop, researching, planning for what i thought to be my future project and i even put everything in my log book, i already design the fucking primers, i saved every protocols that i came across with...and i am waiting for that day to order my chemicals and reagents and kits (whatever you call them) because i am so fucking ready to do the lab work (yes!!! i am tired of sitting and reading)

he doesn't even bother to look at my log book, and doesn't even bother to let me present, yet he said i didnt make any progress...well, ain't that cruel?

but the fault is on me too because i can't argue with him...how can i? that's not even my salary, it was an allowance and to think that i actually hoping to get another 1k for this month is just too much...

i am heart broken dowh....money money money where r you....well, i am really thinking of working somewhere just in case to support my unstable life...malu dowh nk minta duet kat bapak banyak2 kali...

i am changing supervisor this time, and i hope my new supervisor will be a whole lot better than him....yeah, i am keeping my finger crossed this time...

aku yang bodoh

ak x menyatakan yg ak sayang kepadanya, tetapi ak betul mula menyukainya kerana dia mempunyai impian dan cita-cita, berbudi bahasa dan berfikiran matang...ak mengaguminya actually, ak boleh nmpk diri ak pada masa hadapan apabila ak bersama dgn nya, berfikiran secara rasional, tidak mudah memaki hamun, tenang dalam setiap perbuatan, dan segalanya....di tambah pula dengan sikap mudah mesra dia terhadap ku, segala-gala nya dia ceritakan, pasal dirinya, keluarga, kerjaya, pengalaman hidup..."this is a very nice experience" i said to myself each time im going out with him...and im really ready to put the past relationship behind me, ready to move on, ready to distance myself with ash, and ready to prepare myself for whatever that's coming to my way...and i even let my mother know each time im going out with him, so that he would not turn up out of the blue someday when i am ready to introduce him properly to my parent....

and guess what...

ALL THAT WAS A LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

who would have thought that one fine saturday morning i would received a message from some number claiming to be his wife? (and he said to me that he is single and i believed him). i made my own conclusion, i thought it was his best friend and so i carelessly humor myself by texting to the number that im gonna be her honey and im really looking forward to it. and as the texting go, little by little im feeling a bit tense, because "she" sounded like one (the wife), and i asked ash to go to whatsapp and wechat and search her number up. and that was when the truth came out...

it was a woman diver at whatsapp, and on the wechat, it was that same woman with him, sitting side by side, smiling. only god knows how i felt at that time. and suddenly, out of nowhere, tears streaming down my face while i was gobbling mcd's hashbrown. how can this happen like this? how? why? why? i can't think at that moment. i am speechless, i felt betrayed, lied upon, i feel stupid right until now, i feel angry, i feel ....i dont know how to describe my other feelings...if i ever stab my chest with a knife, then probably i can tell you that it would feel the same. i was so shocked and i couldn't stop my tears. and imagine that at that moment, i was having my breakfast with ash, and there were lots of people nearby. and i can tell that some even noticed me crying, but hell i care about all those other people....

i apologized to her for my only-me-myself-humored text messages, and she told me to look upon her facebook. and on that facebook cover were her and him on their wedding day, wearing purple sanding outfit. and there was his facebook to, with facebook cover of him and her on their wedding day also but in a white outfit. and it was all proven, she is his wife, and i feel like i should really kill myself right now for all the embarrassedment that i felt, the stupidness of my logic thinking, the easy-to-melt heart, the everything!!! i don't even want that day to exist at that time. i feel so fuckingly stupid!

i was so weak, she started asking questions about when did i meet his husband, where did we went, what did we do etc etc...and i just keep on answering her, maybe because of guilt? i don't know. i can't think straight, i was lost and i hope that she started to scold me but she didn't. she was only asking the whereabout of his husband and me on certain date, dates that his husband kept missing from her. and i fitted her jigsaw puzzles dates perfectly, confirming that each time the husband went missing on her, he was with me. 

 

and lastly she snapped, she texted me something like this, (i've deleted the original message because i know that if i keep it, i will repeatedly read it, and i will be repeatedly hurt by it) 

 

"awak tahu ke suami saya tu penganggur, kereta yang awak naik tu kereta saya, kerja yang dia cakap kat awak tu saya yang punya, saya yg kerja kat ***, event2 tu semua saya yang handle, hotel semua saya yang booking, duit yang dia keluar utk awak tu semua hasil titik peluh saya tahu. dia kata kat saya yang dia risau saya drive sorg2 ke kl, rupa-rupanya dia ada niat lain. malam rabu tu saya yg risau tggu dia sampai malam x balik2, bila kol dia bg mcm2 alasan, rupa-rupanya dia dengan awak. ......."

 

there were some sentences after that that really made me angry, but i already forgot what they were, but yeah, that last sentence was so cruel that i can barely breathe at the time i finished reading her message, and yeah of course i replied to her brutal message, giving a brutal message myself, saying that i am being lied too, i am a fool to trust an old man, that i actually have a better future and i dont really care about her god-damned-money that she thinks i was spending on. and the last sentence i gave her was i think, the most powerful one... 

"kalau akak masih nak tanggung lagi jantan keparat macam tu, suka hati akak la, saya x heran langsung!"

and maybe after that she realized that i am a victim too, and she just asked about any other dates and places without scolding me. and i answered her obediently. and that conversation ended just like that.

hari jumaat yang penuh dengan plan yang istimewa~

dan sebenarnya tujuan asal ak menaip kat sini bukan la nk bagitahu plan ak di hari ini utk hari esok atau minggu depan akan tetapi ak ingin mengadu pasal kak M lg......

T_T ak dari dlu dok usha sampah yang berusia hari sabtu lepas.....dan ak rsa sampah pada hari ini adalah sampah yang sama yang x dibuang-buang dari dlu lg....bezanya sampah itu skrg adalah lebih banyak lagi ditambah pula kak M tu dok rajin beno masak...

ye, smlm ak balik rumah ak mendapati rice cooker ak digunakan sekali lg (opkos beras murah ak pun diguna sma walhal ak nengok ada je beras mahal faiza taj mahal 1 pek) dan ade nasi separuh dlm tu yg x abes mkn oleh kak M....dan ade lauk kt atas dapur gas dalam kuali ak,.....dan lauk tu ak x taw ape benda sbb ak xde teringin pun nk jenguk2 masakan yg dimasak whether oleh kak M or kak A (ye, ak dok serumah ngan org dewasa yg lebih tua yg bekerjaya!) dan ak sgt bebal sbb ak x suka barang ak diguna, ditinggal2 camtu dan x dibasuh!!!

ak tggu je hari ni...kalau dia x cuci gak rice cooker or kuali ak tu, sumpah ak bawa masuk semua barang ak dlm bilik!!!!!

nak kata rude? helo...barang ak, suka hati ak la nk buat mcm mna pun...ak xde masalah la ko nk pinjam barang ak, ko jga la leklok!!!

ok, so plan esok (semoga direstui mak tulang) ak akan travel ke perak tercinta bersama abe tulang hahahhaha....jalan pegi matrik perak dan amek bebarang adek dia...huahuahua best best best!! rsa mcm kt jepun plak buat car date....dan ak berharap adek dia yg akan duk bersama dlm satu keta nti akn senyap je sbb yes, i wud like to enjoy the moment~ lalala

dan plan next week plan, encik adam yg gorgeous akan bertandang ke selangor sbb dia ade kursus kt bangi!!! wah!!! chance chance chance!!! dia kata nk lepak kt shah alam tengok bola...hehehehhe tp, ak rsa mcm susah je nk travel pegi shah alam...gaji pun x masuk2 lg ni...dlm bank tinggal rm30 je kot, boleh keluar pun rm20 je lg T_T bila gaji i nk masuk~ huhuhuhu nak pinjam kt mak pak rsa segan sbb diorg akan masuk kn duet ribu riban utk bayar yuran, xkn nk minta duet belanja lg....nk pinjam ngan cash box kak serene pun, arie tu da pinjam rm300, law pinjam banyak lg nti kna bayar pun banyak juga.....em, maybe xde rezeki la kot nk jumpa encik adam.....

pacik kolam lak? ntah....ak rsa dilema....encik ari baek sgt kt ak dua tiga menjak ni....pacik kolam pun baek gak tp x sebaik encik ari...but both can't answer my questions....kinda disappointed and feel like being dipermainkan pun ada....n i can't choose one yet cuz they both don't really know how to place me in their life, so i guess it's just fair not to choose any of them now...

 

alkisah kak M~

sblm ak lupa baek ak menceritakan bibit2 kepahitan hidupku sbg pengongsi sewa dgn seorg makhluk bernama M...oleh sbb dia sgt tua daripada ku iaitu 27 tahun maka dgn rsa hormat ku panggil dia kak M....tu pun ak tataw smpai bila rsa hormat kpd umur tu akan berkekalan....kalau ikut rsa, mawu je ak bantai kepala otak dia yg xde serupa dgn umur tua dia tu....

pd satu hari, akak tu masuk....ak berharap pada tuhan moga yg masuk tu adalah seorg tomboy pengkid so bley la kmi melakukan hubungan terlarang mcm dlm komik yg selalu chem baca, akan tetapi, malang tu berbau busuk krn yg masuk tu jaoh bara dari api...so xpe la kn, ak pun bersyukur gak sbb xde la nti ak kna laknat dgn tuhan...

then, ak pegi shah alam n tido kt situ for the rest of my weekend....bila ak balik rumah, rumah xley bukak sbb ade cipan bru masuk lock tombol pintu padahal tombol tu da mmg rosak...so ak terpaksa import japanese dari meru (japan la sgt) utk memecahkan tombol berkenaan...bla bla bla berjaya...bla bla aku masuk rumah setelah dua hari xde kt rumah dan WHAT THE FUCCCKKK??????

ak terlihat rice cooker mamiji tersadai layu atas lantai dgn isi perut nasi + kerak2 nasi yg belum berbasuh T_T dan dapur gas yg penuh minyak, minyak i yg da tinggal kurang dari separuh (padahal ak x penah guna minyak utk deep fried pun) cawan cun yg penuh dgn minyak yg da diguna, dinding yg penuh dgn percikan2 cili boh dan minyak, meja dapur gas yg kotor dgn ak pun tataw kekotoran apa....dan tong sampah yg almost full and maybe da berusia dua hari yg blom dibuang....

betapa luluh dan pilunya hati ku pabila melihat adegan tersebut ditayangkn...mna pegi org yg bertanggungjawab?? ak taw, ni keja kak M, bukan cipan bru masuk tu...masakan cipan tu berani guna barang org tanpa bersua muka dahulu dgn owner barang terbabit...

ak da memang hot time tu...oh please god dont make me deal with yana's twin (btw, yana is super fucktard disgusting gross woman who grows kulat and maggots in her cooking dish n kitchenware) tp sbnr nya ak penat so ak x larat nk layan semua benda membangangkan ni....ak bid gudbye tu japan then ak mandi and tido.....

esok nye akak tu balik ptg la kot, then ak balik lewat cikit arie tu, sja je nk menggembirakan hari Dr, then why the hell bila ak balik je baru kak M tu terhegeh hegeh nk basuh rice cooker??? helo, ak bajet dia masak nasi hari sabtu kot then dia balik kg or merayau entah ke mana...the persoalan is, kenapa dia x cuci dlu semua benda tu sblm dia keluar rumah ???WHY???

argghh da ak malas nk layan...da la air mineral ak selamba badak dia minum...sabun cuci ak dia buat mcm harta...lampu kipas electricity dia buat mcm bapa dia  yg bayar....ak mmg x suka dgn low minded dan no common sense dia....

bla bla bla, ak puasa rini so ak msk le nasi dan telor, dan ak yg bersihkan dapur gas syiall tu sbb ye, ak geli nk msk kt dapur gas kotoq!!! ak xley bayang kn kalau duduk dgn dia sethaun tanpa basuh dapur gas tu, ntah cemana tahap kekotoran dapur gas berkenaan...

so xpe, ak da sahur then ak tidoq jap before ak gi mandi....then ak gi mandi so ak buka la paip utama toilet ak (since paip sinki rosak) sedang seronok ak nk mandi, tetiba ade plak org ketuk pintu toilet ak....TOK TOK TOK so ape lg ak pun buka je la...bila ak buka muka kak M ade kt depan pintu 

"kalau iza buka paip akak xde air nk mandi" krik krik krik......

masalah ak ke toilet ko slow air dia? shit....dia bley suro ak tutup air dekat toilet ak semata dia nk mandi..jebon! tp oleh sbb ak ade baldi yg super besar so ak x kisah sgt la nk tutup air paip tu kn....jebon, x sangka btol ak...selfish bastard punya mangkuk...damn!!!

so ini adalah bibit2 kebencian ku terhadap makhluk bernama kak M...dan ak berjanji bila ada lg peristiwa membencikan dgn dia, akn ku tulis kt sini supaya perangai buruk dia tu akn tetap ku ingat smpai ak mati!!!!

satu jantan pergi, ramai jantan masih menanti......

hai....hari ni ak sgt hepi sbb satu jantan yang susah dideal dengan telah pun pergi buat selamanya, or maybe buat 2 tahun...hehehhe jantan tersebut bernama "DAMNED STICKER KERETA" 

YE!!!! ak sgt benci bila kena tahan kat depan gate yuaitiem bila ak xde sticker!!! alkisah mcm ak ni penjenayah yg bakal membakar dan membunuh semua makhluk bersticker kt dlm yuaitiem tu...ak sgt benci!!! ak nk daftar keta tp ak sendiri pun masih anak tiri yuaitiem, masakan ak bley daftar tanpa no matrik bagai....so ak kna buat apa????

ak pun duduk bodo dan menunggu bila masa la ak nye application nk kna approve dek irmis or ipsis tu...ak pun tataw camne diorg bley bekerja dgn pace yg sgt lembab mengalahkan cipan kudung....nk kena ketuk bru berjalan, tu pun kna ketuk dgn hammer thor, kalau guna hammer biasa kompem x gerak ke mana....

so, bila x kena approve lg, ak xley daftar online utk keta nye sticker, bila xde sticker, ak kna tahan depan gate dan di tanya ak ni spe....maw je ak ckp yg ak pun da x kenal siapa diri ak yg sebenarnya, tetapi oleh kerana perasaan malu yg masih menebal dalam sanubari ku, ku gagahi jua menyatakan bahawa ak anak tiri yuaitiem, penumpang gelap, pendatang tanpa izin~ dan ak dibebaskan tanpa sebarang ikat jamin...tp ade satu makhluk budu tu siap tulis lg ak nye plat keta...bedebah!!!ko x paham pun masalah yg membelenggu diri ku ini, kau tanpa perasaan belas kasihan terus menjatuhkan hukuman ke atas kancil yg x bersalah itu!! mawu je ak langgar lari ko arie tu taw..tp oleh sbb kancil punya momentum yg lembab mengalahkan badak air bila dia da start slow down, ak pun membuang imaginasi melampau tersebut sbb ak taw, law ak langgar lari pun ko xkn mati punya...huhuhu betapa ak berharap yg ak tengah bawak ferrari time tu T_T

so...lepas da dpt sticker rm5 tu, rasa nya xde masalah la kot ak nk kuar masuk sesuka hati ak pasni....hhehehehe da bley wat plan jahat dowh!! mula2 nk curi barang kt lab tut...then barang kt lab tu...oh, mesin kat lab tut pun mahal gak!! MUAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!

tp ini bukan la satu kemenangan, bru je satu jantan yg membelenggu diri ku ini blah, ade pulak yg laen masih menghimpit diriku yg kesian ini...huhuhu problem, when r u going away????

HAI

hai...setelah lama ak x menulis, oleh kerana ak bosan kt lab ni duk melangut tengok laptop 8am-5pm every day without meaning (ok ini tipu, sbnr nya ak patut buat sesuatu tp ak malas) so ak pun decide untuk membunuh masa dgn mencarut di sini, di tmpt abadi ini di mana xde sesiapa mengenali diriku dan xkn mengutuk ibu bapa ku kerana melahirkan seorg raksasa kaki carut.....

telah banyak benda berlaku, ak da grad sbg seorg bachelor of science yg gagal dlm mencari matlamat hidup, ak da break ngan encik ashaari kurus T_T yeah, and we broke up on my convo day cibai!!! n i tried to find myself a suitable job inside a laboratory that runs a very mischievous operation but i couldn't find one, n finally i settled down n worked in a bakery's ingredients shop for 4+ months...then i decided to sambung master, and here i am now...stuck in a lab in front of my lappy, and getting closer again to someone called "ex-bf"...n hey, looks like we r getting so much closer now that i actually confused again about what is our relationship status rite now....

but now, i am currently going out with someone else from utp...yeah!! muahahaha guess i level up my standard quote a bit since the breaking up thing...but he's way older than me, 12 fucking years...but number is just figures, i guess... things r so much complicated right now...both exboyfie and newman r closing in and im afraid that i might lose both, or i have to choose only one (shit! macam tamak giler babi bila ak ckp camni) eh, forget to mention, im still trying to hit mr adam as well ;) well, he's a hottie kot....giler ko xmo try tackle....nevertheless, im still not too serious to think about settle down with someone permanent, but i do realize that i cannot really having 2 men at one time....but i still dont want to talk about it...

next, life in puncak alam is cheap and sgt x membazir, cuz there's no entertainment around T_T no karaoke, no cinema, no bowling (kalau ade pun mcm la ak nk pegi maen sorg2 kn) and no friends....the nearest friend available but not always around pun exboyfie yg duk kt meru....second dekat adalah budak2 togel tu kat shah alam...ntah pape ade pulak diorg berkonflik dan bercerai.....x paham ak...semoga majlis pernikahan yang paling cepat diadakan mampu memupuk kembali kehangatan asmara persahabatan mereka...btw, fynn mcm da ready da tu nk kawen...bagus le kalo camtu, boley i jln2 kt perlis...hehehehe ak plan nk duk rumah chem plak kalau pinat kawen, kalau nk tumpang rumah dia opkos x jln mlm pertama dia nti!! muahahahahha

i have too many to complaint and to maki but i dont feel like membuang masa kt blog ni tulis panjang2 cuz i da kna brainwash dgn Dr shiha (my sv) mengenai amanah dan tgggjwb... T_T so maybe tomorrow i will continue maki'ing and carut'ing people here....n, yeah, it's good to be back :D fucking damn i wish they just put some smiley in here!!

after the long rest....

setelah lama ak merehatkan diri drpd lab, hari nie ak terpaksa jugak masuk utk menyelesaikan pelbagai permasalahan yg timbul iaitu ekstrak cendawan...lagi~ busan! tp xpe sbb yg ekstrak kn kali nie geng air jew, ak dan ming lak buat nutrien agar supaya mikrob kami boleh diternak di dalam tue...tp ntah kenapa, ak rsa hari nie sgt malang sbb ak hampir2 kna serangan jantung >.< why? ada 4 sebab...iaitu:

1. kami perlukan 1000ml bottle utk letak solution agar supaya ley antar autoclave, so ak pulun cari 1 makmal mpg4...xde! then ak pi cari kt lab cendawan...ada! bnyk! tp ada isi dlm suma botol2 berkenaan...oleh kerana botol yg kosong xde lgsg, ak mengambil keputusan utk transfer solution kt salah satu botol 1000ml tu yg paling sikit dan paling lama (mcm x berguna lg) ke dlm botol yg lebih kecil...solution tue ak tataw apa dia, tp sgt pelik sbb kaler mcm peach sikit pastu agak likat...tp xpe, ak transfer gak tp botol kecil tue da penuh...dgn selamba babi nye ak tuang extra solution berkenaan ke dlm sinki dan botol 1000ml tu pun ak letak gak dlm sinki sbb nk bilas...pastu ak bukak la paip...tiba2, sinki berkenaan BERASAP!!! berasap beb! sumpah gua takowt giler babi time tue! cepat2 gua tutup paip dan beristighfar bnyk2 dan berharap yg botol or sinki berkenaan x meletup secara tetiba...pastu ak bukak paip lg utk kompemkn sama ada betul kew x reaksi air ngan solution tdi yg buat asap....mmg btol pown! sinki tue berasap lg....cuak gila babi wey...huhu tp ak kna gak amek botol 1000ml...so dgn hati kental ak pown terus jew bilas sinki dan botol berkenaan pastu terus blah dari lab cendawan supaya apabila sinki berkenaan meletup, ak xkn disyaki oleh sesiapa...muahahahahha

2. masa tue ak dan ming tengah melarutkan serbuk agar di dalam 1L air sulin tetapi agar berkenaan agak degil dan xmo larut...so kami pun memanaskan mixture berkenaan hingga la pada tahap mendidih...mula2 bhgn bottom jew yg menggelegak...pastu bhgn surface pun turut sama menggelegak...tiba2 ada bnyk buih2 muncul pada permukaan mixture berkenaan...semakin lama semakin bnyk dan buih2 berkenaan mmg gila babi laju jew nk meluru menuju ke atas bikar mcm air coke yg digoncang kemudian dibuka...huhu ak mmg takut giler r law menda tu tumpah, da la panas, 1 hal lg nk cuci hot plate apa suma....naseb baek ming cepat2 pindahkan bikar berkenaan before buih2 nakal tdi sempat melarikan diri >.<

3. da selesai autoclave solution nutrien agar, ak pun amek la dan bawak botol 1L berkenaan ke dlm makmal...oleh kerana kna tggu sehingga cecair berkenaan sejuk sedikit dahulu bru la boleh start tuang ke dlm piring petri, ak pown berniat la nk bukak penutup botol tue dgn harapan akan ada haba terbebas sedikit...bila ja ak pulas sekali, cecair di dalam tue terus nk memancut keluar! babi btol r!!! da la panas, 100 degree kot!! baboonnn! >.< huhuhu ak cepat2 tutup guna tisu wey...pastu putar balik bagi ketat penutup botol berkenaan...huhuhu

4. dan yg paling dasat skali adalah apabila ak start menuang cecair nutrien agar ke dlm piring petri....ak guna 2 spirit lamp (pelita) pastu alcohol kt dlm spirit lamp sebelah kiri da nk abes da...so ak pun pi la amek spirit lamp bru yg ada alcohol lg kn...dgn selamba badak nye boleh ak condongkn spirit lamp berkenaan ke arah spirit lamp yg malap da...apa lg, meletup kau!!! sumbu dia terkeluar kot...pastu terbakar! TERBAKAR!!! depan mata ak nie...ak lak terlalu terkejut smpai terstatik dan x taw nk buat apa T_T wuuuuu.....yin pun terkesima...seb baek chia amek forcep pastu buang sumbu berkenaan ke dlm sinki...wuarrgghhh!!!! meja lab tue ada kesan terbakar T_T huhuhu....ak rsa sgt bodo! patot nye ak nyalakan lamp berkenaan guna lighter...ntah apa yg ak pikir time ak condongkn lamp berkenaan...naseb baek x meletup dekat tgn ak, law x kompen da ilang bbrp jari T_T

kejadian last tue buat jantung ak btol2 gila babi laju mcm tengah racing 100m dgn watson usain bolt....ak rsa sgt takut...huhuhu dan semangat utk wat lab da ilang....maybe ak kna tenangkn diri dulu.... >.<

some things are better left unsaid

nanaj bru jew post pasal pemergian mak ibrahim kt group genetik. aku agak terkejut juga sbb bru jew hari tue ak buli ibrahim dan suro dia belikan ak megi...tp sbnr nya ak lebih terkejut apabila si jawa post kt group kolej pasal mak ibrahim. itu lagi la kaw2 penangan nye, satu kolej kot boleh baca. ntah la, sbnr nya ak x tawu sgt adab kematian dlm islam nie. sama ada islam mengharuskan ke, mensunatkan ke, mewajibkan ke, atau pun memakruhkan umatnya utk menghebahkan kematian saudara islam sesama umat. tp bagi ak, apabila melibatkan sesuatu yg personal mcm nie, ak lebih rela sekiranya yang mengucapkan takziah itu terdiri drpd kwn2 yg memang betul2 mengenali diri ak secara langsung...

sekiranya aku yang kehilangan orang tersayang.....

terasa mcm perasaan aku dicabuli apabila salah sorg kwn ak post pasal pemergian org yg ak sayang itu kpd public...terasa lebih terhina bila ada org yg x kenal ak, dan ak x kenal org tue mengucapkan 'takziah' ataupun 'al-fatihah' ataupun 'innalillah' sbb ak merasakan org yg berdoa melalui facebook nie semuanya pendusta belaka....ada bnyk jew org meletakkan status doa-doa kt fesbuk diorg, persoalan nya, adakah betul diorg benar2 berdoa? atau sja jew suka suki update status doa utk hari tue. adab mana yg menyatakan kalau nk berdoa perlu update status instead of menadah tgn ke atas langit? 

begitu juga dgn org yg meletakkan komen al-fatihah kt status berkenaan. adakah betul diorg berhenti sejenap drpd melayari internet dan menadah tgn ke atas langit sambil membaca surah al-fatihah? ataupun mereka sekadar menaip sahaja perkataan al-fatihah berkenaan utk menunjukkan simpati? ntah la...terlalu bnyk kepalsuan dlm fesbuk...

perkataan2 yg menunjukkan empati berkenaan x mungkin mampu meng'comfort'kn perasaan ak yg tengah dilanda kesedihan yg sgt besar mcm tue...ak lebih suka sekiranya kawan2 rapat aku sendiri yg mengucapkan perkataan2 demikian, sbb ak tawu, diorg betul2 sayangkn aku dan bukan hanya sekadar ingin menunjukkan rasa simpati...

perasaan ibrahim? ntah, ak x tawu...ak harap dia tabah dan sabar menghadapi dugaan mcm nie...dia penah ckp yg diorg adik beradik nie jenis anak mak...suka refer sesuatu kpd mak diorg dlu before buat keputusan...mesti sukar utk diorg kn...hurm...ak da xde apa nk taip lg...ak cuma rasa benda yg terlalu personal bg ku adalah sgt private dan x semua org yg mempunyai hak utk mengetahuinya....

aku x paham....

hai...seperti yg diketahui, hari ni almost suma org dpt baucer buku yg bernilai rm250 tue kn kn kn...so oleh kerana buku utk genetik manusia berubat sgt limited, org berlumba-lumba utk membayar buku berkenaan yg berharga rm65 tu menggunakan baucer...

alkisah nyew adalah apabila ak nk bayar duit tue, ak guna baucer rm50 sekeping dan duet cash rm15...so total suma adalah rm65 la kn, cukup2 utk beli buku tue...ok, semasa ak membayar kt nik buku tue, miss L kata "iza jap, ak nk bayar guna 2 baucer (rm100) so ko bayar la kt ak rm15, putri bayar kt ak skali" then, ntah camne ak kalut2 dgn pengiraan math berkenaan, then ak taw yg tue cuma math simple jew...ak bayar kt nik guna baucer rm50, rm15 lg bg kt miss L, putri pun bayar kt nik guna baucer rm50, rm15 lg bayar kt miss L...miss L lak bayar kt nik guna 2 baucer (rm100) yg turut sama merangkumi bayaran rm15 aku dan putri...so nik kena bg baki kt miss L sebanyak rm5...

pastu bila da settle bayar suma, ak kuar dan menuju ke kete sbb kak long nk bawak pi mkn kt luar :P hahaha pastu kt dlm keta tue ntah kenapa tetiba diorg bising2 >.< adiey dan nanaj dan eton duk bebel2 kt aku.....

"apsal ko bayar kt miss L, xyah la bayar kt dia, bayar jew la kt nik guna baucer dan duit tue"

pastu ak ckp "la sama jew kn, miss L nk guna 2 baucer, so ak skali kn la rm15 tue kt baucer dia....so ak still bayar rm65 ringgit"

pastu diorg kata lak "yew la tp rugi la, baucer tue free kot, ko bayar rm15 utk beli buku tue padahal miss L dpt free jew guna buku tue, baucer tue kn free"

pastu in my defence "mmg la free tp skrg miss L da ilang rm100 drpd baucer tue, ak cuma ilang rm50 jew"

pastu diorg offence balik "ko tawu x dia untung sbb baucer tue free, dia bukan jew dpt beli buku secara free, dpt duit lak tue, rm15 dari ko rm15 dari putri bla bla bla bla bla"

dan mcm2 la diorg ckp yg menyatakan bahawa ak rugi sbb bayar kt miss L dan kongsi baucer dia...tp bg ak, sama jew kot sbb ak stil kna bayar buku tue sbnyk rm65, even guna baucer or cash kew....bg ak, walopun baucer tue dpt free, baucer tue still bernilai rm50 sbb dgn baucer free bodo yg ko dpt tue ko masih lg boleh beli buku or barang2 yg ko boleh beli kt memana kedai yg boleh guna baucer berkenaan...

lg pun, x penah lak terlintas di fikiran ak bahawa miss L untung dan ak rugi sbb miss L dpt duet, ak lak kna bayar duit kt dia...ak simply fikir yg maybe masa tue miss L x cukup duet cash, sbb tue dia nk bayar guna dua baucer....kalau betul pun miss L tue nk ganti baucer berkenaan dgn duet ciput rm15 ak dan putri, xde salah pun sbb...

sbb ak nengok miss L seorg yg sgt cermat....btol, dia jarang makan sesama time lunch....maybe sbb dia nk jimat...lg pun ak jarang tengok dia membeli belah kt pusan bila tiba waktu perayaan membeli belah...dan ak ada ingat bahawa dia penah kata yg duet ptptn dia tue boleh tahan sampai last sem tanpa perlukn back up money drpd parents dia....see? nmpk x betapa cermat dia guna duit....mesti dia bnyk menahan nafsu semata-mata nk jimat duit dia and make it last until the end of the semester with a balance on it....sedangkan ak yg dpt jpa ney pown x penah kecukupan (yew, sbb ak gila babi boros, ak paham tue)

so, i guess there's no point in bebeling the baucer2 things because i still see the vaouchers are worthy as a cash value of rm250, but only can be spent on books or technological stuffs or spectacles...there's no point in having your head shook just to see me handling my cash to miss L, because i still need to pay the book in rm65, whether i use my money or my voucher....in a nutshell, i still cant understand about the fuss that they were making over~

hari bahagia ka?

hai...hari nie maybe hari yg bahagia kerana ak da mengambil baucer buku 1 malaysia yg bernilai rm250 tp kengkawan ak suma asyik kata baucer buku free...tp still ak rsa baucer buku tue bernilai rm250 gak...ntah, maybe diorg x suka kot kata menda free sbg menda bernilai...bg ak, walopun baucer tue dpt free, masih jugak ak dpt menda yg bernilai lebvey kurang rm250, so ak yg agak pokai skrg ney rsa amat gembira bila dpt baucer berkenaan lebey2 lg skrg adalah musim book and pc fair di pusan...

oleh sbb geng2 kaki jln ke sana, ak pown membontoti mereka juga dan oleh sbb baucer buku tue bnyk sgt, ak rsa sgt la pemurah utk membelikan mamiji bbrp buku kegemaran beliao drpd penulis dr tuah...bnyk gak la buku ak beli...abes la 1 baucer rm50 berkenaan, suma nya buku mamiji....nk beli buku utk ak? huh! jgn harap la ak nk baca..lebey2 lg yg bnyk dijual tdi adalah novel melayu jiwang x rasional x logik dan x membina akal...jalan cerita yg hiperbola dan sgt dramatis dan juga x relevan serta imaginasi yg terlampau tue mmg betol2 ak anti -.-'

so xpe la kn, selain dpt belikn mamiji buku kegemaran beliau, ak pown rsa gembira juga sbb setelah menunggu dgn frust apabila tidak mendapat lg memana tmpt utk wat praktikal, akhirnya, ak dpt gak tmpt!!!! hhehehehehe kt kola kangsar lak tue!!! YEAY!!! makan free!!! penginapan free!!! transportation free!!! hohohohohoh best best best....inilah zaman kegemilangan ku yg berjaya mencari tmpt praktikal dekat2 ngan rumah ak...kejayaan terbesar selaen dpt dekan utk sem lepas :P hehehehe bangga dowh~ ingat senang? (cis, mmg la senang subjek2 sem lepas)

hurm...tp ak rsa agak bersalah gak sbb berprasangka buruk dekat pengarah jbtn kesihataan perak tue...ak ingat beliao xmo layan surat bebudak hingusan cam ak...rupa2nya reply diorg da bg kt dr pau da, cuma ak jew yg tataw -.-' isk isk isk, sikit lg kot ak nk call pjbt kesihatan tue...rupa2nya dr pau yg x bitaw kt ak...huhu erm xpe la, janji suda settle~

mental kurang waras setan suka

aku rasa, tiap2 kali time exam ja, mesti kewarasan mental aku tercabar...asyik2 kepala mesti penuh dgn masalah + konflik + andaian-tanggapan negatif + kerja berlambak + masalah dunia sprt pacik rumput dan kipas babi + kebosanan dan mcm2 lagi masalah dunia yg menghantui diriku...

mcm semalam, gado dgn encik lubang idung besar sbb beliao tido awal and mungkir janji utk sembang2 ngan ak...ak x ley law xde sapa nk layan perangai buruk ak ney...huhu, so xpe la, masing2 mogok antara satu sama lain...ak stress, dia pun xde mood gak....pastu, ak pown tengah pikir gak pasal insiden naj tarik rambut ak kuat2 mcm benci gila kt ak...BABI KAU NANAJ!!! syial r!!! x penah lg org nk tarik rambut ak sebabi kau tawu!!! benci sgt kew kt aku? ntah apsal dia ley naik gila babi sampai mcm tue skali...ak agak dia da baca blog ak mengenai semua kutukan2 ak terhadap nya...baca jew la, ak maki org kt blog pun sbb ak xde hati nk maki depan2~

pompuan ney hati lemah, kena kutuk + maki sekali da tacink...tue yg xleh nk kutuk depan2 tue...takut nti terputus silaturahim pulak...kn da berdosa >.< len la kalau ko mmg da besfren ngan makhluk2 caci maki ney...ak dan bff2 ak mmg suma mencarut antara satu sama lain...takat cakap babi syial dan yg sama waktu dgn nyew tue xde hal la...xde sapa nk makan hati sbb masing2 taw tue adalah perkataan bodo jew...ak law takat kna carut babi jew pown leh rilex lg, siap ak bg midfing lg sbb nk balas balik...ye la, tue cuma joke kot~

tp, law encik ashaari yg marah kt ak, dia x maki >.< dia just deliver 1 ayat jew pown da ley bagi ak makan dalam yg teramat sgt....1 ayat simple jew pown, tp sakit nyew kt hati sgt luar biasa :( smlm, sbg ending chatting, dia sent "get lost" dan ak rsa mcm kena tampar~ dan ak bercadang utk totally get lost dari dia....sgt sentap ooowww itu ayat T_T

beberapa jam kemudian....

well, ak agak sober untuk menyatakan bahawa menda ney menda kecik and remeh temeh jew so aku nk make up dgn dia....ak kol bnyk kali dia x angkat...then dia text "nape?" then ak kata la ak tanak gado...pastu ada la bbrp siri texting and calling yg x terangkat...masa tue ayaq mata + liuq da meleleh2 gembira da kot...pastu tetiba kt twitter ney ada 1 update pasal "self-harmer" or org yg style toreh2 diri sendiri...so xpe la, ak baca sbb kenapa diorg ney brave enuf utk toreh tgn sampai kuaq darah dan ak rsa mcm "hey, i belong with those self-harmer, my heart is painful enough that i really want the pain to stop, so why not i cut myself and see if the physical pain can overcome the sadness i feel inside" dan godaan setan masa tue teramat la kuat!!! ak da siap pegang cutter lak tue >.< cuma x berani lg la nk letak kt tgn kiri T_T huhu....

sambil2 mencari keberanian utk melepaskan darah drpd vein, sambil2 tue juga ak keep on texting ash dan twitterring ngan makhluk2 caci maki....perghh~ ak x sangka diorg sgt care :P hehehe rsa best la kena pujuk camtu skali :D pastu encik ashaari pun, dia x pujuk -_-' tp dia suka balas pertanyaan dgn pertanyaan....dan lama2 mood ak nk maen toreh2 terbantut...yew la, maybe sbb ak da dpt perhatian yg ak nak kan kot :P muahahahahhaha

so last sekali, ash idung besaq dan ak idung kecik da berbaik semula dan geng2 cacimaki meneruskan kehidupan dgn hati tenang sbb kegilaan ak da berakhir...muahahahahaha!!!