and i really hate it for being left out all alone in this deserted place called hostel....where sud i be gone to? home? fuck no way i'll be going home during study week...and yet when i even deny myself for going home sweet home, here i am stranded all alone and expressing my lonely feeling to this blog and doing nothing...sudn't i start studying rite away? hohoho like i care...huh! well actually im not that study nerdy kind of fella n i only start studying 24 hour before the exam starts...n it really gives me a low pointer but wat to do...i cant change my nature...huhu~
ok so enuf wit me being a lazy asshole...wat about the people all around me who start disappearing once the study week started? katak? huh! she went home and leaving me all alone in here T___T how cud she left me here wit no one to have meals wit...it such a pity of me to buy nasi bungkus n bring it to my room n eat the nasi bungkus all alone facing the stupid darn plus boring fesbuk....n life goes on like that 4 many days n i feel like a zombie~ and then rabiatul adawiyah rusli too aka rabi also disappear into nowhere...wat gives me a heartache is dat she is always not there whenever im asking her out during lunch or dinner...huhu~ untung la dak2 satu aras ada moto ajak dier kuar T___T n so my neighbour aka aini k who is always a mystery to me bcuz i think she starts her day during noon time, maybe? cuz she's hardly goes out and even if she's gone to somewhere, she didn't switch off her fan which makes me think dat she's in the room, but she's actually not...n it is such a waste of my energy to knock on her door n end up being disappointed because she's just not there....n again i ended up going to the kafe, bungkusing the nasi and the lauk, going back to my room, and eat the nasi bungkus all alone T___T what a misery!!!
n during nite time also im experiencing great loneliness when en ashaari seems to be pretty occupied wit something n i didn't get all the attention dat i want T___T huhuhu~ it feels so lonely to just be alone in this room knowing that people around u are having a blast over somewhere yet u r the only one who are in the dark....somewhere inside a room filled with a lonely air..n it makes breathing difficults too...n when u want to do something, u just don't kno wat sud u do since ur mind is blank by the state that u r alone in the campus...n all i ever do the whole day was fesbuking n fesbuking n reading the articles dat was posted by the pages dat i like n life goes on just like dat....wat a waste of time....so wasteful dat u cant even stop urself from being such a waste to everyone :( n i really hate living like dis...at least when im home, there wud be cats that notice my existence n i can do homework since it wud be very boring to just watch tv...here? study? not my food la~
i feel so disappointed in myself for letting me down and letting myself feel bored by the way i am...n i am feeling disappointed over my frens too bcuz leaving me behind (well, it is not their fault but i want to blame them too becuz i just hev nothing to do) n i am so disappointed in rabi more bcuz i asked her whether she can accompany me to rumah anak yatim for MAP but she kept on giving excuses which i cant really take...i always feel disappointed over rabi bcuz of so many things but i just keep it deep down my heart...sometimes i felt hurt by the way she talked to me but i try to ignore those hurt cuz she's my fren..i dunno how long can i keep on saving the hurt that she made...
n the one that i cant stand of is en ashaari too seems so distant to me...i dunno why but lately he's been very busy with something and he didn't give enough attention to me...i feel like really being left out at nite cuz he's not there to text me, n then there was this 1 day when i really have a lot to tell him, but then he's been very busy over something so i ended up sleeping....n i really want to chitchat to him about that day but he's just not there....it feels so pain when u have a lot to talk to but no one to listen to u T___T n when he's free the other nite, all the excitement to talk to him was gone, n i ended up speechless to him...not knowing wat to talk about...i feel very sad n it gives me tears every nite just analysing the state that i am rite now...am i an attention seeker like wat chali called me? who the fuck kno? i need attention!!! something is missing n i dunno wat is it...
n i dunno how will i survive after my final pass bcuzz i still have another 1 week b4 they want to start berkampung at kolej...wat da fuck sud i do in dat 1 week period??? somebody please fucking tell me...?
pengajaran yg boley disimpulkan...?
- ak patot mencari hobi supaya ak boley buat hobi ak tu kalau ak busan..masalahnyew ak pun tataw nk amek hobi apew....
- rsa rindu da semakin berkurang terhadap en ashaari...mmg sprt yg kujangka, apabila salu diignore, akn ilang la rsa rindu yg melampaui batas manusia itu sbb otak nk get over the pain kot...
Unknown quotes
 One of the worst feelings in the world is loneliness. Sitting in the dark by yourself in the wee hours of the night gently crying. Nobody knows what's going on with you. How could anybody realize what's happening? Everybody you know is resting peacefully in their bed awaiting the new day tomorrow. But for you, there's no difference in the days. They pass monotonously. And before you know it, it's all gone.  Unknown quotes |
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