after the long rest....

setelah lama ak merehatkan diri drpd lab, hari nie ak terpaksa jugak masuk utk menyelesaikan pelbagai permasalahan yg timbul iaitu ekstrak cendawan...lagi~ busan! tp xpe sbb yg ekstrak kn kali nie geng air jew, ak dan ming lak buat nutrien agar supaya mikrob kami boleh diternak di dalam tue...tp ntah kenapa, ak rsa hari nie sgt malang sbb ak hampir2 kna serangan jantung >.< why? ada 4 sebab...iaitu:

1. kami perlukan 1000ml bottle utk letak solution agar supaya ley antar autoclave, so ak pulun cari 1 makmal mpg4...xde! then ak pi cari kt lab cendawan...ada! bnyk! tp ada isi dlm suma botol2 berkenaan...oleh kerana botol yg kosong xde lgsg, ak mengambil keputusan utk transfer solution kt salah satu botol 1000ml tu yg paling sikit dan paling lama (mcm x berguna lg) ke dlm botol yg lebih kecil...solution tue ak tataw apa dia, tp sgt pelik sbb kaler mcm peach sikit pastu agak likat...tp xpe, ak transfer gak tp botol kecil tue da penuh...dgn selamba babi nye ak tuang extra solution berkenaan ke dlm sinki dan botol 1000ml tu pun ak letak gak dlm sinki sbb nk bilas...pastu ak bukak la paip...tiba2, sinki berkenaan BERASAP!!! berasap beb! sumpah gua takowt giler babi time tue! cepat2 gua tutup paip dan beristighfar bnyk2 dan berharap yg botol or sinki berkenaan x meletup secara tetiba...pastu ak bukak paip lg utk kompemkn sama ada betul kew x reaksi air ngan solution tdi yg buat asap....mmg btol pown! sinki tue berasap lg....cuak gila babi wey...huhu tp ak kna gak amek botol 1000ml...so dgn hati kental ak pown terus jew bilas sinki dan botol berkenaan pastu terus blah dari lab cendawan supaya apabila sinki berkenaan meletup, ak xkn disyaki oleh sesiapa...muahahahahha

2. masa tue ak dan ming tengah melarutkan serbuk agar di dalam 1L air sulin tetapi agar berkenaan agak degil dan xmo larut...so kami pun memanaskan mixture berkenaan hingga la pada tahap mendidih...mula2 bhgn bottom jew yg menggelegak...pastu bhgn surface pun turut sama menggelegak...tiba2 ada bnyk buih2 muncul pada permukaan mixture berkenaan...semakin lama semakin bnyk dan buih2 berkenaan mmg gila babi laju jew nk meluru menuju ke atas bikar mcm air coke yg digoncang kemudian dibuka...huhu ak mmg takut giler r law menda tu tumpah, da la panas, 1 hal lg nk cuci hot plate apa suma....naseb baek ming cepat2 pindahkan bikar berkenaan before buih2 nakal tdi sempat melarikan diri >.<

3. da selesai autoclave solution nutrien agar, ak pun amek la dan bawak botol 1L berkenaan ke dlm makmal...oleh kerana kna tggu sehingga cecair berkenaan sejuk sedikit dahulu bru la boleh start tuang ke dlm piring petri, ak pown berniat la nk bukak penutup botol tue dgn harapan akan ada haba terbebas sedikit...bila ja ak pulas sekali, cecair di dalam tue terus nk memancut keluar! babi btol r!!! da la panas, 100 degree kot!! baboonnn! >.< huhuhu ak cepat2 tutup guna tisu wey...pastu putar balik bagi ketat penutup botol berkenaan...huhuhu

4. dan yg paling dasat skali adalah apabila ak start menuang cecair nutrien agar ke dlm piring petri....ak guna 2 spirit lamp (pelita) pastu alcohol kt dlm spirit lamp sebelah kiri da nk abes da...so ak pun pi la amek spirit lamp bru yg ada alcohol lg kn...dgn selamba badak nye boleh ak condongkn spirit lamp berkenaan ke arah spirit lamp yg malap da...apa lg, meletup kau!!! sumbu dia terkeluar kot...pastu terbakar! TERBAKAR!!! depan mata ak nie...ak lak terlalu terkejut smpai terstatik dan x taw nk buat apa T_T wuuuuu.....yin pun terkesima...seb baek chia amek forcep pastu buang sumbu berkenaan ke dlm sinki...wuarrgghhh!!!! meja lab tue ada kesan terbakar T_T huhuhu....ak rsa sgt bodo! patot nye ak nyalakan lamp berkenaan guna lighter...ntah apa yg ak pikir time ak condongkn lamp berkenaan...naseb baek x meletup dekat tgn ak, law x kompen da ilang bbrp jari T_T

kejadian last tue buat jantung ak btol2 gila babi laju mcm tengah racing 100m dgn watson usain bolt....ak rsa sgt takut...huhuhu dan semangat utk wat lab da ilang....maybe ak kna tenangkn diri dulu.... >.<

some things are better left unsaid

nanaj bru jew post pasal pemergian mak ibrahim kt group genetik. aku agak terkejut juga sbb bru jew hari tue ak buli ibrahim dan suro dia belikan ak megi...tp sbnr nya ak lebih terkejut apabila si jawa post kt group kolej pasal mak ibrahim. itu lagi la kaw2 penangan nye, satu kolej kot boleh baca. ntah la, sbnr nya ak x tawu sgt adab kematian dlm islam nie. sama ada islam mengharuskan ke, mensunatkan ke, mewajibkan ke, atau pun memakruhkan umatnya utk menghebahkan kematian saudara islam sesama umat. tp bagi ak, apabila melibatkan sesuatu yg personal mcm nie, ak lebih rela sekiranya yang mengucapkan takziah itu terdiri drpd kwn2 yg memang betul2 mengenali diri ak secara langsung...

sekiranya aku yang kehilangan orang tersayang.....

terasa mcm perasaan aku dicabuli apabila salah sorg kwn ak post pasal pemergian org yg ak sayang itu kpd public...terasa lebih terhina bila ada org yg x kenal ak, dan ak x kenal org tue mengucapkan 'takziah' ataupun 'al-fatihah' ataupun 'innalillah' sbb ak merasakan org yg berdoa melalui facebook nie semuanya pendusta belaka....ada bnyk jew org meletakkan status doa-doa kt fesbuk diorg, persoalan nya, adakah betul diorg benar2 berdoa? atau sja jew suka suki update status doa utk hari tue. adab mana yg menyatakan kalau nk berdoa perlu update status instead of menadah tgn ke atas langit? 

begitu juga dgn org yg meletakkan komen al-fatihah kt status berkenaan. adakah betul diorg berhenti sejenap drpd melayari internet dan menadah tgn ke atas langit sambil membaca surah al-fatihah? ataupun mereka sekadar menaip sahaja perkataan al-fatihah berkenaan utk menunjukkan simpati? ntah la...terlalu bnyk kepalsuan dlm fesbuk...

perkataan2 yg menunjukkan empati berkenaan x mungkin mampu meng'comfort'kn perasaan ak yg tengah dilanda kesedihan yg sgt besar mcm tue...ak lebih suka sekiranya kawan2 rapat aku sendiri yg mengucapkan perkataan2 demikian, sbb ak tawu, diorg betul2 sayangkn aku dan bukan hanya sekadar ingin menunjukkan rasa simpati...

perasaan ibrahim? ntah, ak x tawu...ak harap dia tabah dan sabar menghadapi dugaan mcm nie...dia penah ckp yg diorg adik beradik nie jenis anak mak...suka refer sesuatu kpd mak diorg dlu before buat keputusan...mesti sukar utk diorg kn...hurm...ak da xde apa nk taip lg...ak cuma rasa benda yg terlalu personal bg ku adalah sgt private dan x semua org yg mempunyai hak utk mengetahuinya....

aku x paham....

hai...seperti yg diketahui, hari ni almost suma org dpt baucer buku yg bernilai rm250 tue kn kn kn...so oleh kerana buku utk genetik manusia berubat sgt limited, org berlumba-lumba utk membayar buku berkenaan yg berharga rm65 tu menggunakan baucer...

alkisah nyew adalah apabila ak nk bayar duit tue, ak guna baucer rm50 sekeping dan duet cash rm15...so total suma adalah rm65 la kn, cukup2 utk beli buku tue...ok, semasa ak membayar kt nik buku tue, miss L kata "iza jap, ak nk bayar guna 2 baucer (rm100) so ko bayar la kt ak rm15, putri bayar kt ak skali" then, ntah camne ak kalut2 dgn pengiraan math berkenaan, then ak taw yg tue cuma math simple jew...ak bayar kt nik guna baucer rm50, rm15 lg bg kt miss L, putri pun bayar kt nik guna baucer rm50, rm15 lg bayar kt miss L...miss L lak bayar kt nik guna 2 baucer (rm100) yg turut sama merangkumi bayaran rm15 aku dan putri...so nik kena bg baki kt miss L sebanyak rm5...

pastu bila da settle bayar suma, ak kuar dan menuju ke kete sbb kak long nk bawak pi mkn kt luar :P hahaha pastu kt dlm keta tue ntah kenapa tetiba diorg bising2 >.< adiey dan nanaj dan eton duk bebel2 kt aku.....

"apsal ko bayar kt miss L, xyah la bayar kt dia, bayar jew la kt nik guna baucer dan duit tue"

pastu ak ckp "la sama jew kn, miss L nk guna 2 baucer, so ak skali kn la rm15 tue kt baucer dia....so ak still bayar rm65 ringgit"

pastu diorg kata lak "yew la tp rugi la, baucer tue free kot, ko bayar rm15 utk beli buku tue padahal miss L dpt free jew guna buku tue, baucer tue kn free"

pastu in my defence "mmg la free tp skrg miss L da ilang rm100 drpd baucer tue, ak cuma ilang rm50 jew"

pastu diorg offence balik "ko tawu x dia untung sbb baucer tue free, dia bukan jew dpt beli buku secara free, dpt duit lak tue, rm15 dari ko rm15 dari putri bla bla bla bla bla"

dan mcm2 la diorg ckp yg menyatakan bahawa ak rugi sbb bayar kt miss L dan kongsi baucer dia...tp bg ak, sama jew kot sbb ak stil kna bayar buku tue sbnyk rm65, even guna baucer or cash kew....bg ak, walopun baucer tue dpt free, baucer tue still bernilai rm50 sbb dgn baucer free bodo yg ko dpt tue ko masih lg boleh beli buku or barang2 yg ko boleh beli kt memana kedai yg boleh guna baucer berkenaan...

lg pun, x penah lak terlintas di fikiran ak bahawa miss L untung dan ak rugi sbb miss L dpt duet, ak lak kna bayar duit kt dia...ak simply fikir yg maybe masa tue miss L x cukup duet cash, sbb tue dia nk bayar guna dua baucer....kalau betul pun miss L tue nk ganti baucer berkenaan dgn duet ciput rm15 ak dan putri, xde salah pun sbb...

sbb ak nengok miss L seorg yg sgt cermat....btol, dia jarang makan sesama time lunch....maybe sbb dia nk jimat...lg pun ak jarang tengok dia membeli belah kt pusan bila tiba waktu perayaan membeli belah...dan ak ada ingat bahawa dia penah kata yg duet ptptn dia tue boleh tahan sampai last sem tanpa perlukn back up money drpd parents dia....see? nmpk x betapa cermat dia guna duit....mesti dia bnyk menahan nafsu semata-mata nk jimat duit dia and make it last until the end of the semester with a balance on it....sedangkan ak yg dpt jpa ney pown x penah kecukupan (yew, sbb ak gila babi boros, ak paham tue)

so, i guess there's no point in bebeling the baucer2 things because i still see the vaouchers are worthy as a cash value of rm250, but only can be spent on books or technological stuffs or spectacles...there's no point in having your head shook just to see me handling my cash to miss L, because i still need to pay the book in rm65, whether i use my money or my voucher....in a nutshell, i still cant understand about the fuss that they were making over~

hari bahagia ka?

hai...hari nie maybe hari yg bahagia kerana ak da mengambil baucer buku 1 malaysia yg bernilai rm250 tp kengkawan ak suma asyik kata baucer buku free...tp still ak rsa baucer buku tue bernilai rm250 gak...ntah, maybe diorg x suka kot kata menda free sbg menda bernilai...bg ak, walopun baucer tue dpt free, masih jugak ak dpt menda yg bernilai lebvey kurang rm250, so ak yg agak pokai skrg ney rsa amat gembira bila dpt baucer berkenaan lebey2 lg skrg adalah musim book and pc fair di pusan...

oleh sbb geng2 kaki jln ke sana, ak pown membontoti mereka juga dan oleh sbb baucer buku tue bnyk sgt, ak rsa sgt la pemurah utk membelikan mamiji bbrp buku kegemaran beliao drpd penulis dr tuah...bnyk gak la buku ak beli...abes la 1 baucer rm50 berkenaan, suma nya buku mamiji....nk beli buku utk ak? huh! jgn harap la ak nk baca..lebey2 lg yg bnyk dijual tdi adalah novel melayu jiwang x rasional x logik dan x membina akal...jalan cerita yg hiperbola dan sgt dramatis dan juga x relevan serta imaginasi yg terlampau tue mmg betol2 ak anti -.-'

so xpe la kn, selain dpt belikn mamiji buku kegemaran beliau, ak pown rsa gembira juga sbb setelah menunggu dgn frust apabila tidak mendapat lg memana tmpt utk wat praktikal, akhirnya, ak dpt gak tmpt!!!! hhehehehehe kt kola kangsar lak tue!!! YEAY!!! makan free!!! penginapan free!!! transportation free!!! hohohohohoh best best best....inilah zaman kegemilangan ku yg berjaya mencari tmpt praktikal dekat2 ngan rumah ak...kejayaan terbesar selaen dpt dekan utk sem lepas :P hehehehe bangga dowh~ ingat senang? (cis, mmg la senang subjek2 sem lepas)

hurm...tp ak rsa agak bersalah gak sbb berprasangka buruk dekat pengarah jbtn kesihataan perak tue...ak ingat beliao xmo layan surat bebudak hingusan cam ak...rupa2nya reply diorg da bg kt dr pau da, cuma ak jew yg tataw -.-' isk isk isk, sikit lg kot ak nk call pjbt kesihatan tue...rupa2nya dr pau yg x bitaw kt ak...huhu erm xpe la, janji suda settle~

mental kurang waras setan suka

aku rasa, tiap2 kali time exam ja, mesti kewarasan mental aku tercabar...asyik2 kepala mesti penuh dgn masalah + konflik + andaian-tanggapan negatif + kerja berlambak + masalah dunia sprt pacik rumput dan kipas babi + kebosanan dan mcm2 lagi masalah dunia yg menghantui diriku...

mcm semalam, gado dgn encik lubang idung besar sbb beliao tido awal and mungkir janji utk sembang2 ngan ak...ak x ley law xde sapa nk layan perangai buruk ak ney...huhu, so xpe la, masing2 mogok antara satu sama lain...ak stress, dia pun xde mood gak....pastu, ak pown tengah pikir gak pasal insiden naj tarik rambut ak kuat2 mcm benci gila kt ak...BABI KAU NANAJ!!! syial r!!! x penah lg org nk tarik rambut ak sebabi kau tawu!!! benci sgt kew kt aku? ntah apsal dia ley naik gila babi sampai mcm tue skali...ak agak dia da baca blog ak mengenai semua kutukan2 ak terhadap nya...baca jew la, ak maki org kt blog pun sbb ak xde hati nk maki depan2~

pompuan ney hati lemah, kena kutuk + maki sekali da tacink...tue yg xleh nk kutuk depan2 tue...takut nti terputus silaturahim pulak...kn da berdosa >.< len la kalau ko mmg da besfren ngan makhluk2 caci maki ney...ak dan bff2 ak mmg suma mencarut antara satu sama lain...takat cakap babi syial dan yg sama waktu dgn nyew tue xde hal la...xde sapa nk makan hati sbb masing2 taw tue adalah perkataan bodo jew...ak law takat kna carut babi jew pown leh rilex lg, siap ak bg midfing lg sbb nk balas balik...ye la, tue cuma joke kot~

tp, law encik ashaari yg marah kt ak, dia x maki >.< dia just deliver 1 ayat jew pown da ley bagi ak makan dalam yg teramat sgt....1 ayat simple jew pown, tp sakit nyew kt hati sgt luar biasa :( smlm, sbg ending chatting, dia sent "get lost" dan ak rsa mcm kena tampar~ dan ak bercadang utk totally get lost dari dia....sgt sentap ooowww itu ayat T_T

beberapa jam kemudian....

well, ak agak sober untuk menyatakan bahawa menda ney menda kecik and remeh temeh jew so aku nk make up dgn dia....ak kol bnyk kali dia x angkat...then dia text "nape?" then ak kata la ak tanak gado...pastu ada la bbrp siri texting and calling yg x terangkat...masa tue ayaq mata + liuq da meleleh2 gembira da kot...pastu tetiba kt twitter ney ada 1 update pasal "self-harmer" or org yg style toreh2 diri sendiri...so xpe la, ak baca sbb kenapa diorg ney brave enuf utk toreh tgn sampai kuaq darah dan ak rsa mcm "hey, i belong with those self-harmer, my heart is painful enough that i really want the pain to stop, so why not i cut myself and see if the physical pain can overcome the sadness i feel inside" dan godaan setan masa tue teramat la kuat!!! ak da siap pegang cutter lak tue >.< cuma x berani lg la nk letak kt tgn kiri T_T huhu....

sambil2 mencari keberanian utk melepaskan darah drpd vein, sambil2 tue juga ak keep on texting ash dan twitterring ngan makhluk2 caci maki....perghh~ ak x sangka diorg sgt care :P hehehe rsa best la kena pujuk camtu skali :D pastu encik ashaari pun, dia x pujuk -_-' tp dia suka balas pertanyaan dgn pertanyaan....dan lama2 mood ak nk maen toreh2 terbantut...yew la, maybe sbb ak da dpt perhatian yg ak nak kan kot :P muahahahahhaha

so last sekali, ash idung besaq dan ak idung kecik da berbaik semula dan geng2 cacimaki meneruskan kehidupan dgn hati tenang sbb kegilaan ak da berakhir...muahahahahaha!!!

the memory would lose, but the feeling will remain~

u know, so far my life has been so good....smooth all way long...i have a good family, we have enough food on the table, my father has had a good job and he's retired now, my mom has a good job too, we have roof on top of our head, comfortable beds to sleep on, even if we are not rich, but we have enough to live on...and i never experienced any hardship such as having to go out to support myself or whatnot~ and i never came across someone so bad like all my friends did (maybe i did but i just cant remember the evil thing people did to me, except 4 several dat i despise) in a nutshell, my life is so smooth that i am really grateful to be born in this 'pingu' human body, yup i could not deny some conflicts i had to dealt with but the conflicts were all temporary...when the dateline was over, so was the conflict...

because of the smoothness of my life, i can never imagine the life of someone who have to work in order to get themselves money to spend on something they like...i myself never work before...what is it like to not having enough food? to not having someone who love you? to feel the lost of the loved one? to ever feel betrayed, humiliated, stabbed at your back and such? i never felt any of it before...therefore i could not imagine what does it feel like...

and i find myself drawn into people like this...maybe because i think they suffered enough, and it is my duty to at least ease their burden a bit by giving them some of what i have with me...it is not a big deal actually...they are my friends, therefore it is not wrong for me to show my affection and kindness to them...to me, sharing things that i have with them give me the happiness feeling, i want them to know that somebody care for them...and they don't have to starve themselves, or hold themselves for buying things that they feel not worth it~

but sometimes, i do regret giving them much privilege...because some keep coming back for more...pushing me actually...i treated them out of sincerity, whenever i feel like i want to...but to have them asking me to buy them things, i could not tolerate it...and to make matter worse, i am the one that they want to handle it all...i do the ordering, i do the paying, then i do the fetching....eating? me and them....see? they want me to buy them food, ok, i could do that...why cant they make themselves useful by fetching the food delivered to us then? lazy? do not know how to fetch it? or u just want to feel what it's like to be a master who have a slave to order to? if u that stupid, u can learn it by experiencing the stupid thing urself, why giving so many excuses? I AM NOT UR FUCKING SLAVE!!!

thankfully i come into my right mind that time, rather than having myself being treated like a dog fetching a bone after it was thrown, i withdraw myself from this lose-win interaction, where i lose and u win all the time...i mean, yes!!! u always wanted to win right??? i dunno why u always treat me like i m such a lower form of life when u can treat others well....am i that easy to you? have i shown u mercy that permit u to treat me like ur slave? am i dat stupid? is it me and my wrong judgement? cant u see that i cant bear knowing u feeling hungry when im feeding myself, that's why i went to all the trouble just to have meals with you, then u treat me like this...i feel like being used!!! USED!!!! USED!!!

there was a time when i felt like this before, it was when i changed my high school in perlis...the only friend at that time was this junior who was my dormmate, yup, i like her, i seriously do...i dunno why, but over time, i really hate her...even hearing her name being mentioned could make me feel like punching myself in the face!!! I HATE HER SO MUCH!!! but, i could not remember what have she done to me...that's what happen when everytime i hate someone, i just hate them, but i forgot on why do i hate them on the first thing...maybe because at that time, the pain was so strong that my mind could not bear to store the painful memory into my brain, so the memory was cast away...

even though i could no longer remember what she did, i still hate her until now...as for you, i hope i would not store any memory of yours too....so that when we are away cashing our lifepath, and we meet again, i could still be your friend and hopefully i would not hate you by then...because i know the memory would lose, but the feeling remains~ please, do not make me feel like im a toy again, will you? but i doubt it, because i think u are a kind that toying with people in order to survive in ur life, life forced you to do that, and yet, i will still blame you if u use me again....

when you u-turned 4 me~

it was a rocky end to our date..

and i admit that i might have been a little too emotional...

but i dunno why...

maybe because the clothes that i wore made me look fat...

so i felt a little bit insecure...

and the insecurity grew when you avoid my grasp...

you were all joking..

but i got mad, really mad...

and then things started to turn worse...

u lost your mood, i lost mine...

we just wanted that date to end quickly...

and we didn't even bid proper goodbye when you departed...

and you were gone, out of my sight...

and i raced back to my room...

swearing to you, swearing to myself...

and i got so mad that i felt like my head would exploded...

so i washed my face, and took out the lens...

and as i prepared to take a very long shower, you called...

"abg ada kt ukm ney, meh la turun bawah, bawak biskut dan air sekali ea"

i was shocked, but at the same time i was confused...

nevertheless, i went to get you, with those horrible-taste cookies...

and when i saw your face, your face was totally differ from when you were gone...

your face was so...

i dont know how to say it, but the moment i saw your face...

tears were filling up my eyes, but they never stream down, thank god they didnt!

and i was so touched, because you came back to me...

because you could not just let this date ended like that...

with you and i both feeling angry towards each other...

our last date for 2012 should not end like that, that was why you made that u-turned...

to mend things out...

and i am really glad that you did...

because it made me love you more....

you made me feel appreciated, and valuable...

and i like you making me feel that way...

thank you, for coming back to me...

and i love you soooo muchhh, more than i can ever say...