ikatan yg kembali bertaut

pada hari rabu yg lepas aka 25.04.2012, ak dan encik ashaari da berbaik semula setelah gado2 kat text mesej lagi...hehehehe...biaq pi la nk gado2 dlu baru la ley baek2!!!!

hal ini adalah kerana tidak melebihi lima belas patah perkataan muahahahaha
tp sebenarnya ak tataw pun nk kata apa -.-'

kbai~

kem yg santai tetapi x akn ku pergi lagi kalaupun dianjurkan...

hai...ak bru jew balik dari kem kembara alam dan pemantapan kendiri....yew...xtvt kem ni adalah utk menikmati keindahan alam sekitar (kem kembara alam) dan juga memantapkan diri sendiri (pemantapan kendiri)...ak suka~ sbb yg pegi pun budak2 batch ak jew la (budak first year sombonk~ patotnya diorg pegi semuanya sbb tujuan kem ni adalah utk berkenalan ngan diorg gak tp sorg jew 1st year yg join...bodo kn!) so xpe la, janji ak selelsa ngan org2 yg pergi sbb ak xperlu la menunjukkan kemaluanku sgt (ngahahahaha, maksud ak peribadi malu dan anti-sosial itu ye) sbb diorg2 yg pergi kem tersebut adalah budak2 sendiri yg da rapat bebeno....hikhikhik

satu jew yg ak x puas atie adalah, tmpt dimana kami patut menginap ditukarkan daripada chalet kepada dorm..sumpah xbest!!!!! da la bagi tilam jew, tu pun nipis2, pastu law nk mandi guna kolah lak tue T_T ak x suka mandi kemban la...ak nk mandi bogel huhuhu...xpe xpe, 2 hari 3 mlm jew pun, ak ley endure!!! muahahahaha....

lebey kurang lagu nie la ayaq teghejun nue...

pastu kn pastu kn, hari sabtu hari tue, kami pi jungle trekking...best!!! x penat sgt pastu ending dia adalah sebuah air terjun yang sgt sgt sgt nyaman!!! hohoho x sia-sia redah hutan beb!!! best! habis basah 1 bdn hikhikhik...tp yew la kn, diorg tue dok gegeh nk tangkap gambar...haish, x kusyuk nk memandi....pastu lak kt ttpt air terjun tue jatuh lak, sgt la dlm, x berani ak nk bertafakur direct kt tmpt air tue terjun...xpe xpe, yg penting kena tempias air terjun yg sgt menyegarkan pun da cukup :D pastu kn, setelah penat berjungle trekking, mlm tue lak adew night walk :( xtvt yg paling ak x suka huhu...sbb ak x penah lg dibiarkan berjalan-jalan di hutan sorg2...

so xpe la kn, walopun ak takowt, ak embrace jew dan menempuh haluan gelap tersebut...dan...apabila ak melalui jalan2 gelap itu, ak telah terperasankan sesuatu yg x patut diperasan oleh manusia pun..yew, "makhluk Tuhan selain manusia" :( takowt wey!!! ak nmpk mcm ada org dok jaga tmpt tue, tp mustahil sbb semua budak lelaki yg disuro berjaga sepnjg perjalanan ak da lepas da tdi...tp awat lak ada lg yg berjaga kt tmpt tue? dan tempat tue...dan situ gak??? ak melangkah laju dgn hentakan kaki yg seperti org berkawad sambil membaca ayat kursi dlm hati....serious r ak rsa cam nk nanges jew time tue...awat ak sign up utk xtvt nie? T_T menyesal~ tp walo apa pun, ak bersyukur yg ak berjaya mengharungi night walk berkenaan tanpa sebarang gangguan lebey kasaq terhadap ku...huhu

ak terpaksa pura2 x nmpk demi menenteramkan jiwa gundah gulana ku

dan bila ku pikiaq semula, ak x nmpk pun sebarang manfaat xtvt tersebut dijalankan..yew la, apew tujuan ko suro budak jalan sorg2 lalu trek kt dlm hutan yg penuh dgn makhluk2 Tuhan? uji keberanian? no!!! ak rsa ak lebey takowt dari sebelumnya tawu....sumpah! pas ni jgn harap ak akan masuk hutan sorg2 dgn kegelapan malam lgi!!!

i will stay strong

"find someone else....."

i guess, we are officially off rite now. n i admit, the moment i read that last message of yours, i shed a few tears because ur words hurt me again, at time when i needed some cheering and some consolation, u hit me hard at my heart. and i have to admit that u r getting good at it too. 

honestly, though it hurts, i still think nothing of it. i was just like, "yeay! go to hell, like i give a damn! screw u secret-keeper!!! u didnt tell me anything then u want me to understand u?? what the fuck!" n i just went back to sleep as i need to find the strength to face the next harsh day tomorrow.

n the tomorrow day came, wit lots of suprising elements...i was attacked mentally by those brutal monsters and i broke down...cuz i just can't take it anymore...with the shittest person i met, wit the upcoming triple exams i havent revise yet, problem wit u also...n to think that i even ordered us a pair of lovey-dovey keychain carved wit our names on it, but i kno that the keychain wud meant nothing anymore....it hurts....hurts a lot....and i just cant take it anymore...n i broke down in front of strangers, who cant even console me, tell me that everything's gonna be okay...i dont even know whether i can handle it any further..it was so painful to experience this alone...

but then, yesterday....ejan helped me wit those brutal monsters n i dont have to face them anymore...it is finally over...i am getting free....i will no longer have to deal with those nasty people...n i could take some deep breath right now and relax a bit...n guess wat, i tot i want to cancel the name carving  to the keychain that i bought for us, but mr firdaus already carved our names on it, n it was beautiful, but irreversible...so i just took the keychain and wondering wat sud i do wit them both...right now i just let them hanging loose on the board in front of my face, thinking how it wud be wonderful if i can just give it to u...but it is impossible right now, cuz u might just throw it away...

n then last nite was a horrible night for me..because it was lonely...no more incoming text messages from u, no more wishful good night, no more story telling for the day, no more pain expressing moments, no more kiss from those lovely smiley text...and no more you...last night was the moment when i really feel the intense of having our relationship broken, cuz i miss u so much, but then we ended up splitting and it seems that we are finally over...it hurts a lot when u realize in just another several days we could be celebrating our 1st year anniversary..but it didnt happen the way we wanted...it is so hurtful to finally know that we are not meant for each other...i swear it is so hurt and painful. i dont know if u ever feel the same way too, u probably hate me right now and cursing me days and nights...

those night when u told me that u already got a job, i was really happy and i wished to say 'CONGRATULATIONS!' to u, but i was just too engrossed wit my madness that i totally leave the wish behind, because i thought that we wud be okie again..but im wrong...so, let me say it here....

'congratulations on the new job...i hope u give ur best and get ur permanent job as soon as possible..i am so proud of u for not giving up n ready to start from a scratch...i hope u will build a new life wit ur new job n u r willing to be a really independent adult now, because, u cant always depend on your family...sooner or later, u hev to hev ur own life...i hope u r ready to embark on that next phase of life of urs...be strong!'

breaking up wit u was painful...but i know that i have to move on...i have to endure this pain for a while before it becomes nothing to me...before i have the strength to build another relationship anymore...i wish that i wud get over u soon, because im tired of shedding tears every second i think about u, about us, about the time that we spent together...the memories were beautiful, but they will just be memories...time will come for me to create another one...n hopefully the future memory will be better than i have wit u...in the meantime, i will stay strong....i hope u do the same too....good luck!

minggu durjana

akhirnyew, berakhir juga Minggu Usahawan Satria iaitu minggu paling daje' bagi ku kerana terdapat bnyk btol dugaan + cabaran + halangan yang perlu ku lalui. ak terpaksa balik bbrp hari lebey awal ke ukm sbb perlu men'settle'kn bbrp benda yang perlu spnjg MUS nti berjalan. ya, ak akui mmg bnyk komitmen yg perlu ak patuhi kerana itu merupakan tanggungjawab yg perlu ak galas sbb ak da pun menyertai xtvt ini. dan ak bersumpah bahawa AKU XKN JOIN LG XTVT NI DI MASA AKN DATANG!!!!!

berhadapan, berurusan dgn para penggerai yg sememangnya jaoh lebey tua dan lebey berpengalaman dari ko mmg sangat2 susah...lagi susah apabila diorg enggan memberikan kerjasama dan terus cabut lari tanpa membayar sewa tapak penuh...dan lebey susah lagi apabila ko tahu yang ko xley buat apa2 pun terhadap penggerai durjana tersebut sbb ko cuma si pengutip hutang sewa tapak, ko bukan nya pihak atasan yg boleh mengambil tindakan terhadap pencabulan perjanjian yg dilakukan oleh para penggerai berkenaan. dan apabila ko kena ambil sewa tapak kat penggerai yang enggan membayar sewa  tapak sebab sale diorg tade, itu beribu-ribu kali ganda lebey susah. bermacam-macam alasan yg diorg berikan dan diorg asyik2 minta dikurangkan tapak sewa. bengong tol r diorg tue! ak da ditugaskan kutip sewa tapak RM500, mana lay sukatie ak nk kurangkan ke RM400...benda tu pun ko xley paham kew ha???

dan ak mmg xley tahan bila ko pandang ak dgn kerek, sbb ko tahu yg kalau ko x bayar sewa pun, ak xleh buat apa2 kat ko kn...so ko pun dgn muka kerek x sangka dan kesyialan yg melampau tersenyum sinis jew dekat ak, ya ak tahu sbb time tue ak mmg lemah. aku dilayan x ubah seperti seorg pengemis yg merayu-rayu meminta duet kat ko!!! mesti ko bangga giler kn sbb dpt patahkan semangat juang aku untuk terus mengutip sewa tapak!!! bukan setakat ko sja, adew gak penggerai laen yg boleh buat selamba jew blah dari tapak dier walopun ak tengah ada kat depan mata diorg. ko tawu x yg ko x bayar sewa lagi???? jahanam!!! kenapa menyusahkan hidup aku sangat??? mentang-mentang la ak student lg, ak masih muda dan ak tade backup, ko pijak ak sampai lumat!!!!! ko memang peniaga tade maruah!!!! bangsat!!! jahanam!!! patot la perniagaan ko x maju, sbb sikap ko mengjengkelkan ko tawu x!!! dan ak berdoa semoga rezeki yang ko cari hasil berhutang dgn kami tue x langsai sampai ko mati!!!!!

aku sgt3 stress minggu nie...da bnyk kali ak menanges sbb aku x sangka susah mcm ni kena berhadapan dgn penggerai yg durjana...nmpak jew baek padahal setan dier lebey besaq dari setan ak....dan ak memang segan sbb ak termenanges dpn kak mardiyana, tue pun sbb ko nurul cam celaka! ko sgt membencikan! ko tawu x, ak ada bnyk lg masalah tp tue semua ak ley tahan lg tawu...ko tawu x minggu depan ak ada 3 exam major tp ak still lg x take note bila exam tue sbb dok sebok pikiaq pasal korang semua? ko tawu x ak baru jew clash ngan pakwe ak dikala bbrp hari jew lg kami nk sambut 1st year anniversary? ko tawu x ak even da tempah da hadiah utk hari bermakna tersebut yg xkn berkunjung tiba?? kenapa ko nk attack jugak ak dikala ak mmg sedang rapuh dan menunggu masa jew air mata nk jatuh??? ko x paham ke status ak sbg "si pengutip hutang" dan bukan nya "si pengurang hutang"? ko mmg celaka! sama lah mcm encik man gendot gedempol dan encik khairul babi si peniaga pasar malam yg x abes2 nk tawar-menawar...bila xley kurang sewa terus lari camtu jew...pengecut!!! tade teloq!!! syial!!! padahal dlu ko yg beria-ia setuju ngan rm500 tue...BABI KAU!!!! REZEKI HARAM!!! SEMOGA KO PUNYA PERUT BUNCIT TUE MEMBESAR DGN DUET HARAM DAN MASUK NERAKA!!!

cik maznah jahanam tue pun cam celaka gak!!! da la pakai jubah! jual jubah! jual tudung! tp lari mcm banduan pelarian!!! syial ko maznah!!! mana nak laku perniagaan ko kalau ko sendiri x jujur dgn penganjur??? ko tawu x ko dilaknat dgn jubah2 ko sendiri?? baek ko jual arak jew!!!! jual benda baek tp perangai cam setan pun x guna jugak la jahanam!!!!!

sudah! ak xmo pikir bnyk lagi...semoga penggerai yg suka membuli org lemah cam ak dpt balasan yg setimpalnya....satu hari nanti kalau ak ditakdirkn berjumpa lg dgn penggerai2 durjana ni, jgn harap ak nk beli produk korang!!!!!

INI BUKAN POLITIK~

PTPTN atau lebih dikenali sbg PTPTipu....sgt diambil perhatian oleh golongan mahasiswa/si aka si pembuang undi PRU nanti...yew la, topik nie kot yg jadi manifesto sesetengah parti utk menarik perhatian si pengundi...ak rsa da ramai or maybe semua mahasiswa/si yg da tawu kot pasal manifesto parti tersebut yg berjanji akn memansuhkan PTPTN sekiranya mereka menang PRU nti...pastu adew gak parti yg lagi satu kata kat berita arie tue, law mansuhkn PTPTN nti kna naekkan cukai rakyat lak, sbb maybe nk tampung semula...ok fine, ak xmo ckp politik....apa yg ak nk katakan di sini adalah, pendapat ak sama ada perlu atau tidak PTPTN dimansuhkan?

pendapat aku, XPERLU MANSUHKN~ yew, ak tawu ak bukan la si peminjam tegar PTPTN walopun ak bru jew 1 sem amek pinjaman berkenaan, dan opkos walo secebis mana pun ak pinjam, ak still kna bayar balik...dan yew la, kna bayar balik ngan bunga dia skali...tp ak still ngan pendapat ak bahawa pinjaman tersebut x perlu dimansuhkan...kenapa?

bagi aku, pendidikan percuma di negara ni maybe rasional utk sekolah rendah dan menengah jew, sbb time kat sekolah tue perkara paling basic, kira asas kehidupan manusia la diajar....semua penghuni negara ni perlu pengetahuan asas tersebut supaya xde la bodo mana time da besaq nanti...tp bila da masuk peringkat tertiary (tertiary? kira universiti la) masing-masing manusia akan mengambil haluan hidup mereka sendiri...yew, sama ada memilih utk menjadi lebey terpelajar ataupun memilih utk melalui perjalanan laen aka malas sambung blaja sbb ntah tataw knapew....

masuk la universiti di malaysia secara percuma!!!

jikalau la masuk uni pun free, kompem r suma org nak masuk kn, yew la, menda free sapew tanak...tp tu la pasal, IPTA kt Malaysia ni adew brapa kerat jew wey...ko ingat mampu kew nk tampung semua pelajar lepasan SPM tue sekaligus? no way la....candidates lepasan spm beribu riban lebey ramai dari peluang menyambung pelajaran ke IPTA...kompen hanya bbrp kerat jew yg dpt masuk...selebihnya? nk ke mana...? kna la pi IPTS yew dak? then, bila masuk IPTS, ko rsa ada kew free? adew x sesuatu yg berbunyi SWASTA free? Adew kew? takdak kn...so, bebudak yg terpaksa masuk ke IPTS tue diorg nak bayaq yuran lagu mana wey? yew la, PTPTN da mansuh, kiranya takdak lgsg la pinjaman...law ada pun pinjaman MARA jew la, tp tue pown brapew kerat je yg ley dpt...hey hey hey, ko jgn ingat yg masuk IPTS tue suma kaya2 taw, ada jew yg x brapa kaya masuk IPTS dgn harapan dpt lulus cemerlang...yg x brapa kaya tu la golongan peminjam PTPTN...law PTPTN da takdak, camna diorg nk bayar yuran apew suma? nk harap kudrat sendiri + keluarga tu mungkin la boley cikit2 tp yew la, maybe ibarat kais pagi mkn pagi, kais ptg mkn ptg jugak la...

tu satu, yang laen lak, ak rsa, menda free nie, org x hargai sgt...yew ke? yew la kot sbb dia free kn...maybe cuma org yg berjiwa suci murni jew yg akn menghargai dan mengambil peluang belajar bersungguh-sungguh hingga dpt title dekan every sem sbb pelajaran free...tp yg selebihnyew? maybe akn berpeleseran sbb diorg tawu menda tue free, kalau gagal kew cukup2 makan kew, atas pagar ke result diorg, diorg x kisah sbb bagi diorg, diorg x rugi apa....bayang kan, anda masuk universiti xyah bayar yuran sbb free, then duduk dlm bilik kuliah berair-cond free, dengar lecturers membebel free, guna kemudahan library terbesar di asia tenggara free, duduk hostel free, guna tenet free, argghhh semuanya la free....pastu, adakah bila anda gagal mencapai 2.0 pointer anda akn sedey? xkot, sbb bukan nya anda da membazir duet pun, yew la, free jew pun kn...law da gagal ley cuba masuk jurusan laen lak, nengok la law dpt skor alhamdullilah, law gagal lagi ley cuba jurusan laen lak...almaklum la free...bila lg nk manfaatkn pelajaran free apew suma kn....

dan, yg terakhir...kalau PTPTN dimansuhkn, maybe akan ada kos-kos lain yg akan naik...sbg contoh, ak dengar lecturer ak ckp, diorg akan masukkan rm100 dlm yuran setiap pelajar utk menyediakan prasarana sprt mesin2 berkuasa tinggi utk wat eksperimen (ak dak sains so semua mesin2 kat makmal mahal giler babeng r ada sampai tahap berjuta-juta gak la kos dia)...so dgn yuran2 tue uni mampu beli mesin berkuasa tinggi utk membuatkn para pelajar mereka mampu berpraktikal guna mesin sbnr....dan kami menggunakn mesin2 tersebut dgn free...yew la, kn da bayaq time yuran arie tue.....so skrg ko bayangkn pulak kalau la yuran pun student xyah bayar, then ko agak2 leh x ko guna mesin2 berkuasa tinggi berkenaan utk praktikal secara free? huishh...ak rsa x, sbb maintenance mesin2 tersebut tue pown da berapa ribu...ni pulak nk bg student (yg mmg tgn sentiasa gatal merosakkan mesin berkenaan) guna secara free....ak kompem, mesti b4 praktikal kna cas punya harga nk guna 1 mesin utk berapa jam kna bayar...ngahahaha lawak kn! ko bayangkn, b4 ko boleh masuk dlm lab ko wajib kna bayar rm5(contoh) baru la ko ley start eksperimen....

konsepnyew sma la jugak ngan kedai photostate....ko x melabur dlm kedai tue, tp tiap2 kali ko nak fotostet ko kna bayar kn...ha lebey kurang camtu la mksd ak....ok ok, ak bg contoh yg lebey simple na....kalau la yuran ko xyah bayar sbb free, then bila ko nak masuk dewan kuliah jew ko kna bayar maybe dlm rm1 sekali masuk (cas perkhidmatan la kiranya utk lcd, projector, kerusi, meja, mic, speaker dan sbg nyew), ko nak kew? benda free, uni sediakan, tp kena cas...mcm kedai fotostet la, kedai disediakan, tp perkhidmatan dicas....ko nak? cer ko bajet2 agak2 sebulan brapa bnyk belanja ko kuar sbb perkhidmatan jew....jgn2 nk masuk toilet pun kna cas 2 kupang...sbb cas macik cleaner...pastu nk parking pun kna cas gak ikut jam...nak naek bas pun kna cas gak sbb nk bayar drebar bas...nk mintak luluskan projek pun kna cas perkhidmatan gak...nk tulis aduan kolej pun kna cas gak...nk suro org betulkn lampu kt bilik pun kna cas gak ikut harga barang...KO NAK KEW?

lol! dlm churh pown kena charge ke bang?

huhu...tu la pendapat ak...x semestinya ak btol pun tp tue la yg ak rasa...skrg kt zaman serba jahiliyah moden ni mana adew barang free adek oi....suma nya nk kena bayar kot...yew maybe free tp akn adew cas2 tersembunyi la jugak mcm contoh2 di atas...kalau la negara kita ni excellent quality maybe free tertiary education tue x mustahil...tp kalau nk kata skrg nie, maybe blom smpai msanyw lg kot....kita kna gak tengok isu ni dgn sisi yg berbeza...pikir baik buruknyew, impak kpd golongan laen...kita jgn pikir kesenangan kita jew...maybe kita akn senang, mungkin org laen akn susah....huhu ntah la...tp kalau la PTPTN mansuhkan bayaran bunga tue AKU SETUJU SGT2!!! BUNGA DIA MAHAL KOT!!!

bru x semestinya bagoos!!!

printer bru ak bengong!!!

da ak ngah dlm kegawatan masa hadapan ney time tue gak la dier saja nk carik pasal ngan ak!!!

hish!!!

x sedar diuntung nyew printer!!!

BENCIXX KO!!!!

JGN SAMPAI RIWAYAT KO BERAKHIR DI KAKI LIMA DAN TERKULAI LAYU MCM CEBISAN CEBISAN SESAMPAH SARAP YANG BERTEBARAN DI BUMI MALAYSIA INI!!!!!

i dont give a damn anymore

dealing with people are hard
they don't understand you
they just care about themselves
but im fine with that
i know i can handle it
this is just one extra experience
that i can take it up to myself
and see myself endure it
until it is over
and i'll be free from those kind of people

but dealing with u are much harder
you r not just any people
u r, in fact, a person that i love
that i care, not the most, but at least a bit
because u r special
n that special tag that u have
r the things that allow u to hurt me
cuz u r not just any people,
those people r hard, but they don't hurt
u r harder, n u hurt a lot too

n i don't know
why
what
where
when
how
it all happens
is it me?
or is it u?

seriously...
im tired
tired of playing games
the same thing over n over again
n though i know it's coming
i just don't know how to react to it anymore
sud i just let it be
the way it sud be?
sud i try a different way this time?
sud i do this?
or sud i do that?
u tell me...

holding on is not what im best on
i let it go, if i have to let go
i'll let go, if it hurt to much
i'll let go, if it doesn't mean much to u anymore
i'll let u go, if u think it's the best way
i will just let you go
if you hurt me too much

i will care myself more
more than i sud care about u
n if this is the end
i can take it
i will deal with it
i will fix my soul myself
i will not let my mind be confused over n over again
i will not let myself thru the same hurt
again and again
cuz im tired
tired of the same game
n i will not hold on
if i can let go
and i know that i can heal myself
without having to worry about going
to go thru the same pain again
for i know
this wud be the last time
that we play this game

printer baru kesygn ku~

hai.....

ak bru jew balik semula ke ukm daripada rumahku syurgaku...dan sedey apabila terpaksa meninggalkan anak2 bulusku yang da besaq2 belaka...huhuhu comey giler la diorg...awat ak kna balik awal lak nie T_T huhu nie semua sbb program!!! argghhh!!!!! nie la taon last ak nk melibatkan diri dalam program2 kebajikan kemasyarakatan kekelaban dan kekolejan nie...pasni, NO WAY!!!!!

oh ya, oleh sbb ak mengidam printer bru sejak 3 minggu lepas dan ict fair x muncul menjelma kt aras 3 pusanika, ak telah melakukan 1 tindakan drastik iaitu membeli sebuah printer canon 3 in 1 kartridge luaq!!! yeah yeah yeah!!! 

camney la printer baru ku...cuma ngan ink kat luaq...agagagagagga

yew, ak bru jew beli menatang tue semalam...dan semalam merupakan hari di mana ak bertolak dari rumah pd sebelah pagi...dan sampai ukm sebelah ptg...dan kemudiannya sebelah petang ak gegeh keluaq ke The Mines lg, dan mengusha bakal printer kesayangan sambil memberi masa kpd si tukang buat printer utk install kartridge kat luaq printer...muhahahahah hasil nyew, AKU DA ADEW PRINTER BARU YANG FUNCTIONING!!!!! BEST BEST BEST!!!! 

pasni ak nk beli photopaper seperti yg si cahaya bulan beli dan ak nk print gegamba bebanyak...muahahaha!!!

pengajaran...

- smlm kaki ak terlalu penat mengembara tanpa henti, pastu time ak tito semalam urat ak jadi kejang...haram sakit giler r!!! ak jalan pagi tue terhenjut-henjut cam org kudung >.< huhu

- ak kena bersabar cikit utk membeli bebarang idaman hati sbb ak kena syg kaki ak dlu...law x, kaki aku ilang ak da xley beli da T_T

- tp best sbb ak da adew printer bru!!! hahahahhaahha