I always knew I am kind with my friends. I always tried to help them whenever possible. I don't mind buying them foods, lending them money, taking them out for meals, give them gifts, etc etc...things that you don't mind doing for your friends. And I hate it if my kindness is being taken for granted.
For example during my primary school, there was this 1 person named R.A, she was poor, and she always borrowed my money, 20cents, 50cents, 20cents again. She borrowed, but never pay back. Then another day she would came to me again asking to borrow another cents. Firstly I didn't mind lending her money cuz I knew she was poor, but when she took advantage of that, cuz I never asked for my money back cuz I pitied her, she kept on coming back to me asking for money, everyday... I hate her, but I never told her that. I had to pretend I was sleeping during recess because I didn't want her to come begging for money. I just didn't know how to turn her down. I am that stoopid.
And then my story with N which I shared before, Im paying, Im the one doing anything, I can't help but felt I am being taken advantage of.
And now my work place, there is this one person, lets call her L, I feel like she is my friend, and she also consider me as close friend. She did once told me her bedroom story with which I was super shocked because usually normal casual friend don't really share bedroom stories like that, and maybe she saw I was taken aback by her story, she never bring her bed story anymore.
Anyway, our relationship is ongoing pretty normal, we used to go out lunching together at random places, and at that time she was working on the ground level while I was at level 1. There were some small changes in a solar role, D and M took L to do administration, and her place would be beside me. So, starting from sitting beside me, L rarely going out to lunch anymore because she said she already had big breakfast and by lunch time, she is still full. I as always, will went out to alam jaya to buy take away lunch and eat at my desk while watching korean/english drama on my phone. But sometimes she still following me out if she wanted to buy lunch if she was hungry.
One day, it was scorching hot, its been scorching hot that time, and I dont feel like going out because I had nasi lemak for breakfast, i feel like i just wanna relax in the office during recess. Out of nowhere, L asked me to buy her goreng pisang, and said she malas to go out. So what about me? its hot, im lazy too, u didnt asked me pun whether im going out or staying in? u just order me buy your pisang goreng -_- wadefak? im so dumbfounded, i dunno how to counter this...dumbly, i go out buy myself food and her goreng pisang...this in not only once..many times ya she asked me buy her pisang goreng, even asked me to asked the vendor give kriuk kriuk..defakkkk now im not sincere at all....but im too kind to say "fak u, get your pisang yourself" i am stoopid...sooo stoopid so cowardd so bloody stoopid 😔
i feel like she purposely getting close to me for her benefit, if not why when she is downstair, she wanna go lunch like everyday, then when she sit beside me, no need go out lunching everyday cuz everyday oso meet me? my second assign doter, cynically asking me whether L still tumpang2 me balik onot, i said yes..she just smugged, she oso feel im being taken advantage of..my second doter is a sharp person..n i kno shes not wrong, i too feel like im taken for granted, i am beneficial to have around, and i never trouble people.
Now L meniaga at bazar ramadhan K.S, last year she meniaga at eco world je, i went there la support thing bagai, then i bought 2 tudung, but that tudung i havent wear until now...cuz its just basic tudung one, not raya one punya stail taw...i oso dunno where dat tudung went...so this year she meniaga at KS, KS is jauh u kno...i saw la she update wasap status, at ig and fb abaout her xtvt...and then yesterday is the second day she mentioned to me she started going there ady to meniaga, during which i sent her home...now why she wanna highlight dat at the end of the journey, is she expecting me to go jauh2 at KS which have nothing for me to show support? eh,, i dun want la...i dun want drive jauh2 tmpt ramai org, malas taw...no need to highlight anymore la,, i dun wanna go...😒 i hope one day i can be evil, say things i want without thinking it might hurt other people, not caring wat everyone think about me....saying no to things that i dun want..etc etc...i dun wanna be kind la plesss.
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