Was it panic attack? Was it delusion? Was it something else?

 It has been so long...

I was preparing a special dinner, grill chicken with poached veges and fries. I was just about to cut up the broccoli when suddenly the fire alarm went off. 

RINGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!

I waited for it to stop....

And waited...

And after what seemed like an eternal 1 minute, the ringing still didn't stop, and I looked down to my hands, my hands were shaking, shivering, trembling with fear. My heart was racing, it felt like it wanted to get out from my body. As fast as I can, I ran to the room and grabbed my black bag with my purse in it, took my cardigan, grabbed my keys, and pulled Danish's hand out of the door.

As I stepped out of the door, the fire alarm rang louder as it was directly just beside my door house. I smelled something burnt, and it was fogy with smoke. My heart was pounding. I quickly put on Danish's shoes and dragged his ass out of the grill, heading towards the emergency staircase. I was thinking whether to take the middle stair which was just over there beside my house, or should I went to the end of the corridor stairwell. I was so scared that either one of the emergency exist was blocked by fire. After 30seconds, I dragged Danish to the middle one. He was so slow, playing games at his phone, so I carried him downstairs asap from Level 9 to Level ground. He was cheering me on, "Mama mama 4, mama 1 lagi 1 lagi" 😒 "mama nape dia x stop?" 

After what seems like forever, we reached down and we went to the gazebo just beside the high-rise because it was raining lightly, I didn't want Danish to be wet by the rain. The alarm was still ringing, but it felt like a heavy burden was just lifted off from my shoulder. I said to myself, "now we are safe". My heart slowly returned to the normal pacing rate, my hands stop trembling, and my mind was getting clearer. 

The alarm stopped after about 15 - 20 minutes, with no visible fire. I waited another 15 minutes before I could go home in peace.

......................................................................................................................................................................

This incident got me wondering, what was the burnt smell and fogy smoke I experienced back then? Was my mind playing trick? Was I delusional? What was it? It was not the first time my mind tricked me.

Back when there was an earthquake news hitting Indonesia somewhere and the vibration could reach Malaysia, I immediately felt like my vision was tilting left and right, the ground was spinning, and I was losing balance. 😐 Day that, every time I came across the word earthquake, I felt like the ground shook a little bit. That day my day was filled with insecurity of the company's roof crashing on top of my head.

Seems like my senses are heightened during those panic moments. It causes my eyes seeing things that aren't real, smelling things that do not exist. Making me overthinking of all the worst possible scenarios. How do I differentiate between what is real and what is not in time of panic? I hate feeling like this, like I cannot control myself. 😞

Thinking back, maybe flying is not that scary, but because my sense was being a fucking hyperbolic, every turbulence felt scary and the plane will crash.